Why It Doesn’t Work Apart From Love (Pt 4)

If there is anything worth considering in Pt 3, it might be this:

“As many as I love I rebuke and chasten, be zealous therefore and repent”

It’s a rather plain statement, isn’t it? But the implications, plain as they might be in the plainness of the statement, are very penetrating. In one sense we are quite deconstructed in it, and by it. Do any already sense, even as I do in the reading of it, some very deep caution in handling it? At least as far (and no doubt much farther) as to any using of it to any personal end? But this, also and no less, is an intensely personal matter (what isn’t in God’s handling of man in Christ?) that begs our consideration in the light of Jesus Christ.

If our first inclination remains our only inclination, and our only understanding, how much can be missed? Mistaken? Misapprehended? If an all is presented but we are only satisfied with a part, even pleased only “in part”, God remains blameless. But we may find ourselves heaping judgment to ourselves, not by God’s lack of plainness, but by our presumptions in abundance.

I have no doubt, and have already expressed, of the immeasurable comfort that may be found there. But if we stop at, or remain fixed at: “I have felt the Lord’s heavy hand upon me, therefore I am surely (even if sorely) loved”, what might be “the more” we are in fact, despising in our knowing?

Oh, yes, we might admit we are very well aware (and often more aware) of those times, situations, circumstances in which we have sensed the humbling of coming up against the Almighty in a manifest defeat of our own selves (either in attitudes, words, or deeds) and in which, by receiving that gift of repentance we have been clearly shown the Lord’s righteous vindication of His Name.

We were in that sense beaten by another, shown His power of all supremacy that defeated (defeats) us, and, in admission of the fault of opposition now made clear to us (through that gift of repentance) come away or proceeded to, and now from, a place of more clarity. Or greater accord.

Yes, most of us are very aware of “our sufferings”. The things we have endured.

And here I am reminded of another thing mentioned previously to which we may rarely give words (except in an inner bias) “I sure do hope my most severe trials are behind me” Gee, must this also be “brought to light” again!…(if sensing any truth to it?) And why?

Are we yet renewed to the truth that someone indeed knows us better than ourselves, and have we found enough of grace to even admit that at times it is very uncomfortable (even irritating) despite the truth that there is no comfort outside of Him? It’s a strange thing this. Discovering a great desire to be loved, to be accepted (even to be made clear to us as taking place), yet not much wanting the rebukes and chastenings that are that very proof of its taking place. At the least…not wanting too much of them. What then are we refusing by this preference? This inner bias?

If we proceed from some understanding that all communication is to the end of making a thing known, even ourselves…thoughts, opinions, displays of deeds, convictions, dispositions, preferences it would appear there is a desire to be “known”. To make statement of who we are.

But we also find some limiting, do we not? We don’t want to be too well known…we don’t want all the beans spilled, do we? There are thoughts and excursions of mind we really prefer remain hidden and known only to us. A longing to be known…but not too well…known.

How seemingly paradoxical, as so much seems! A fellowship with a one with no seeming lack of knowing us, even to all knowledge of us (true to truth beyond our even knowing of our own selves) nor need to be moved by need! All the things we withhold (and often even deny of ourselves!) to maintain some presentability, even acceptability, are all too plain to Him.

How indeed, is this working? What is impetus? Perhaps there is much rebuking and chastening necessary, or so much more than we could either have ever imagined necessary, nor even ever wanted…to bring us to some fundamental confession that the word love in Christ’s mouth and our own, are two very opposing…and entirely different matters.

And as we discover this true of so many things…perhaps even all things of which Jesus Christ speaks, we might come to a place too plain: “I really have no idea, or had no idea (depending upon our estate) of what you mean, Lord Jesus” Both in the words you use and their meaning to you…nor even the “why” of why you speak them.

By simple confession we may find a door opened to us. Our trouble of understanding (or better, our troubles made plain in our not understanding) may lead to a very large place. Even as is spoken, “There I will give her back her vineyards and I will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope” A door in a place of trouble. And troubling.

(Pt 5 to follow)

Why It Doesn’t Work Apart From Love (Pt 3)

Things build on one another. Written matters build on one another. We who believe especially, and are expressly told, we are all being built together into a Holy habitation upon a chief cornerstone and a foundation already laid. Therefore reference to what has “gone before” is never unfitting.

If addressing our need to feel useful in part 1, and the issues of mimicry (quite superficially) in part 2 bore address, may it not be misunderstood to imply that God cares nothing for our need, or indeed despises all attempts at imitation. These matters are made of use by God to help us see His Christ. Even Paul was unashamed to admit that, in part, his ministry was in hope of provoking some envy (the desire to have what another shows…which might progress to a need) and no less, recommended imitation.

Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. (“Follower” there translated from the Greek word mimetai from which is easily seen the word “mime” derived with which we are familiar)

But what do we learn? Do we not learn there is something both need/desire and imitation lead us to? At least as far as we first understood their working in us?

If it could be reduced apart from presumption on my part (to think in terms of reduction rather than production) do we not find a something driven toward all longing for substance? Do we? Something taking us beyond a mere “want” of envy, (or any good thing even once identified to us as advantage) something beyond matters of performing (as sincerest imitation might reveal) to an almost unspeakable and indescribable hunger and thirst? A singular need (where once we thought in terms of our many needs and wants) of Christ, Himself?

This is a huge jump. And God forbid there be any misleading in these words. It is not that the believer receives any “less of Christ” than all of Christ through the faith delivered to the saints. No, it is not that at all. But there is growth. There is progress and a production being made in a place of earth (even these vessels) where we are advised to fix our eyes as though upon a light rising in a dark place; and to have our minds renewed. Everything is working toward a narrowing of sight, a singular focus less for the exclusion of the “elses”, but that all that is that is (and truly is) may be seen and known. A hugeness of all God has made life to us through His Son.

How much seems paradox! (?) This is a school and schooling like no other, this discipling and discipline. It is entirely contrary to all we have known and understood…especially in regards to what we formerly considered learning. And it touches everything continually, in the same way. All of what we thought we “knew” of desire, of life, of love, of good and evil, of relationship…of being in any and every sense is being handled…touched…illuminated to us, by another. Christ is being Himself in us. Not only in the sense of “acting like Himself” as one might say of another if seen as somewhat peculiar “Oh, he is just being himself”…but also that the very nature of being…is now being “in us”. Christ is all. And we learn something of substance, not only that “it” truly is (and weighty), but that this person of Christ now abiding within cannot and will not (for He cannot deny Himself) cause us to settle for less…than true substance. Himself.

And there is much coming “head to Head”. Yes, frank confrontation. In all of the old by which our minds were once formed to confronting this new abiding man. Many have already called it the battlefield…for it is. Here a curious reversal takes place. And it is glorious. We become unashamed to celebrate our own defeats in the light of His victory…even and particularly…over us! This seems queer, no? How can it be…and why would it? And it cannot be so till there comes the persuasion Jesus Christ has made all of His victory ours through His faith.

Being opposed seems no man’s joy, nor could it ever…apart from the reality of Jesus Christ’s abiding. For it is here these words become more priceless than all else we might find to compare

“As many as I love I rebuke and chasten, be zealous therefore and repent”

We may have once “admired” zeal, even sought after the knowing of it in some youthful exuberance to serve, but now we discover how zeal…is served. It is different. At least as we once thought. We encounter, on a level far more basic than ever known to us, changes of mind in its renewal. We see impossible things resolved to our sight, hidden things, mysterious things…far more than explained, but revealed. We come to know in some part what the apostle experienced and exclaimed:

O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!

Here there is no figuring out. Now calculating of how, or why, God does a thing. He either reveals or we have not known nor seen. All is in His hands to give through the revelation of His Son. He “does” no other way. Even (particularly) to what we may find the simplest sentence/verse of scripture, previously assumed “easy enough for a baby to grasp”…that apart from light given as to its depths we will either stumble about, handling things in a clumsy danger or entirely misconstrue.

Can this be overstressed? God knows. And God knows how needful is so much correcting that “As many as I love I rebuke and chasten…” becomes such a word of encouragement given that we not either lose hope, nor conclude we are on the wrong path. It is easy (for comfort’s sake, and no less, quite wrong) to be given to vain imaginations. The sort of thinking that would have us formerly consider and conclude any education/discipling in a thing makes for that ease of comfort in handling matters. Yet, what have we seen of Christ? What do we know of Gethsemane? And all that followed?

And how that all was leading to this, and for this.

Is there not a man among us who, in some way, harbors a deeply hidden phrase, which, if brought to light might sound like this: “I sure hope my most severe trials are behind me”?

Yes, and without doubt, I know we each have encountered places of testing; whose depths of severity has been both ordained of God, and for His good pleasure, in our growth in His Son. There is only rebuke for the man who thinks his own trials of endurance so far outstrip another’s that he might casually, or disdainfully, look upon those endured by any other part of the body. All in the body are enduring what is for the growth of the whole body, none exempted…and certainly, none unnoticed by God.

Yet, even Paul was somewhat embarrassed to “have to mention” those things endured in his following after Christ for the sobering up of those given into his care. He knew what he had gone through, endured for their sakes in his keeping to the faith, that he was sorely troubled they could be so easily persuaded by the some who sought a preeminence amongst them, not serving, but using them to elevate themselves. Paul saw what was going on. If necessary reread 2 Cor. 11. It is no less a chapter on love than the more widely known and quoted of 1 Cor 13.

Can you see a man discovering “things” about love that were entirely opposed to his once consideration of a man’s experience and estate of being a servant of God? A man once equipped with letters of endorsement, riding (if you will) a high horse on his way to Damascus to “do God’s will” now humbled before those he once sought to do away with? O, how lovely an idol it is to think one’s self a “man of God” till Christ is put on as only garment.

There we begin, by being disabused of such vanity, to understand our own dire need. But also (and not without hope) how sufficient Christ is, as only Christ is, to abundantly meet that every need. There is a pain we endure in watching our idols fall. Which God does not only not despise, but takes a great pleasure in. And as we endure by His grace alone, even to the watching of their toppling in His endurance, His abiding, we find a good pleasure being made known to us, revealed to us and in us…and is for the health of all the body of our Lord and Christ.

(Pt 4 to follow)

Why It Doesn’t Work Apart From Love (Pt 2)

It is not hard to understand how the previous entry (Pt 1) seems rather severe. Almost a harsh expos`e. Our need to feel (of ourselves, or to ourselves) useful. And to think one (even, or particularly, as myself) who merely recognizes it has in some way escaped it, or has become immune to its gravitational pull and source; ie the self, would be the greatest folly for me to pose as such. Your folly would be to imagine that a fair exposition (if one has even been made) is interpreted to mean such a one has achieved any mastery.

If I am able to state this clearly enough so that even the wise might understand: No one gets good at bearing the cross.

We perceive things. Even (as believers) things that seem hidden to view by some (sometimes other believers and certainly what are known as unbelievers) and yet, and almost immediately, enter into what is the most common endeavor of all men seeking understanding.

We attempt to deconstruct to its elements; reverse engineer to the most fundamental place of our ability grasp and identify such fundamentals, and then, having it all broken down before us to each discernible piece, reassemble according to the pattern discovered in such reverse engineering and say “now I got it”…I have also made in whole what was once mystery to me. Now, it is no longer mystery. I can do this now, too. How common. How natural. How deceptive.

And since deception would seem, at least in some part, in the purview of the one calling himself believer; we might pay attention as to where it is identified and/or claimed to be. Let’s take a silly example. (Though I am persuaded if one thinks about this he will see how far it extends to almost all matters)

A man sees what he has never seen before, even such a thing he couldn’t believe possible previously. But now, he sees it. He knows now, not only of its possibility, but reality. He watches the Wright brother’s first flight. “How can this be? This thing that now is?” being clearly presented before his eyes.

Let’s say he steals into their hangar by night and either takes the contraption all apart and/or makes the most detailed and meticulous drawings of it…in every detail of angles of attachments, lengths of cables, size of bolts and screws, materials used, shape of wings, control surfaces, propeller, and power source. (You get the idea)

He duplicates perfectly. Now he flies. He may even think himself a flyer just like them. Do you see his deception? Does he…yet? It might not take long. But then again, it might…before he encounters matters of head winds, tail winds, cross winds, matters of which he was completely ignorant (not even thinking in terms of lift or the Bernoulli principle). Things the Wright brothers long experimented with, or in some far greater measure understood, accounted for…not to mention the most fundamental matter of all, the imagination and persuasion such was possible to achieve. Some things (actually many things) are not seen or “left out” due to their invisibility to a mere copier.

Even the very assumptions and presumptions of a copier may be the most invisible to himself, of all. Until. Until he discovers the relationships of climb, and power (thrust), and drag and stall. (After all, all he wanted to do was fly, not have a thing cost him his life!)

I would think I only make myself tedious were I to attempt to make any explanations and correlations of how much more this applies to matters of the faith. Even a faith we are told (do we yet know?) which “worketh by love”.

I would also think stating the obvious to the perceptive/discerning were also not necessary (and far too numerous to recount) of crashings and burnings. How that I have not died…gracefully. How that the “parts” I liked always ended in a part I didn’t like, even a right consequence and due assignment to any taking of the name Jesus Christ into my mouth.

Some of you, God knows, maybe many or all of you already know this. This would again be a great help…to me! to knowing the safety of my own uselessness above all. I am far safer finding myself an object lesson as a copier than being allowed to continue in some presumption I have “come up with anything”.

This searching out of “a” part I didn’t like by my inclusion of it in experience (I rarely endeavor to understand why I like what I like…I just “do”) has even helped me with that part in parenthesis. All has been help to me. All has been help for me. And all made even all the more particularly and exquisitely personal in pain when I have proceeded as though I am a helper. There is all too obviously something made perfectly fitting to me personally for that place of presumption. The piercing is simply too perfectly accurate.

Now, please do not misunderstand. I am not saying there isn’t or shouldn’t be pain. Not as though I would deny the Lord’s sufferings on our behalf, God forbid! Or have some notion He was made immune to pain by some trick of mind or spiritual cleverness…again, God forbid! To the contrary, and hoping to not put too fine a point to the matter, pain and suffering are not quite the same. Suffering has more to do with processing the experience of pain…even as a woman being sawn in half has a different experience of matters than a woman giving birth…though great pain is experienced in both. And both may feel such greatness of it to the convincing of their own death in such excess.


What I am saying is this. I came to perceive a great gulf, a great divide…even insurmountable to me lest I be given some light sorely lacking between the man who said “God, yes” while I discovered only the man screaming “God, no!” in whatever pain he knew. I had to know how this is reconciled. This man, and that man. Something, or better, someone was plaguing me, paining me, with discontent in my darkness. Would God…pain a man so? And…if so…to what end? Why would “that man” ever submit and still maintain such mercy (Father forgive them…) for this man whose only issuing forth in pain was complaint? What “is” working…invisible to the man?

Could it be that one man really knew nothing of suffering? Man, but he’d need a lot of help. Even all of it.

(Pt 3 to follow)

Why It Doesn’t Work Apart From Love (Pt 1)

God won’t let it.

That sounds simple enough. And it is.

But whether you’ll find anything worthy of exploration and/or consideration in the following is entirely between you and God. There can be no compelling from my side. There is no authority granted me, or any other man, to determine what is of necessity to you.

The only authority given among any of us who call ourselves believers is to speak according to the Lord’s work in us, ourselves, apart from laying burdens upon one another of such sort. So it is that apostle came to a right conclusion of having no dominion over any man’s faith, but to merely be a helper of their joy. And even that merely described is a result of careful tutelage in many lessons that are testimony to the Lord’s patient endurance with us.

We discover many things about help. And as with almost everything the Lord leads us through our first inclinations may be to think exteriorly. The help is needed “out there”. The gospel is needed out there. Jesus Himself is most needed out there. And so, if under this delusion all is interpreted according to this misapprehension. And much can grow from this soil. And will. And must. Until such time as the Lord allows for our tasting of such fruit that, as if hollowed out and filled with dust, we now know is of no health…both to us, nor to any.

For we have been eating it as it were from the inside before maturity, taking from it for ourselves anything of value beforehand that might yield true life. Nothing lasting nor eternal…is found in it. We have gobbled it up for ourselves. Can this be understood?

We would first have to have disclosed to us the many snares of soul that accompany the delusion mentioned. Do you know the attraction of thinking oneself a “helper”? How that implicit in that presumption of estate resides its most obvious unstated appeal? But let’s state it, for it is all too clear before God. If one is a helper, and sees himself thus (and who hasn’t?) then it is obvious he himself, as helper, is not the one in need of help. He is now set apart (and how the soul loves its own distinction(s)!) as one above, rendering from superior position to the lesser(s) in need of him (and his help).

If allowed to continue in such delusion (even to being deluded as to what is soulish vs the spiritual) one will come to a very frank confrontation with himself as liar before God. For he may, as God allows, sense a truth that there is most shocking to him, even of such magnitude as to awaken him to all that he has previously done in so called “labors in, or for, the Lord”. He will discover he has only been serving himself as idol…all the time while preaching how necessary Jesus Christ is to and for life, he has been holding himself as the one necessary…even as deliverer of such message.

Do we think God does not see? How we use Jesus Christ to our own ends? Not unlike Elijah who bewailed his fortune before God as being the “only” one left to uphold God’s testimony, we find God unimpressed with what the man thinks of himself. But who of us is in any position to judge Elijah in, or for this? We may at best recognize ourselves; and even be thankful God has preserved such testimony that in due time we too may be set in order and remember.

Such experience is not uncommon to man, and such attitude is not rare before God. Ha! Unless we think ourselves so special as to be exempted! And God has a very pointed way of disabusing us, not necessarily of our special-ness, but to redirect to Him who remains singular to us all, Jesus Christ. The cross is unfailing in its work to divide any misconceptions we may have to His ability and our need. Yes, our need…of help.

One would rightly say “But are we not set apart, are we not special (in that sense) to God? Are we not a peculiar people…a treasure even to God, the inheritance of His son, paid for with such a great price?” and such considerations are most worthy to both speak and meditate upon. Yes! Indeed! True! And so true in truth that the soul unappreciating of their magnitude of truth must be rebuked. The soul can stop “trying” to take to itself matters to make itself special all other impoverished matters of propping up that pale as dung before gold in the light of such truth. Yes! Part of the (our) peculiarity (perhaps the greatest part) is that we are given to see by the work of Christ on our behalf the value of true and eternal things that are unshakably accomplished as opposed to the weak and beggarly elements of which all the world is seeking after.

The world strives to be “too big to fail”, too necessary for dispensing with, but we carry a far greater testimony of Him who overcame it…all its glitter, all its offerings, all its threats and intimidating by size and proclamation of dread consequence if resisted. We are saved…by one. One single man…against and from all of the world’s armaments. And all the Devil’s schemes. He alone…is our defense.

But saying this and knowing this may be shown to us as having been two different things in us, yet God is patient to bring us to know our confession(s)…(even if in all weakness made more weak by some foolish attempts to prop up self esteem) are true. God intimately knows our frame…and framing. And here we may find “the one” most in need of all help. Ourselves.

There is absolutely no shame in this, and God forbid any of this sound as though anyone is seeking to shame another. In this we are all “in the same boat” so to speak. Of being enlightened to the glory of the Lord Jesus. There is no shame in that glory. There is no vain coveting of it, as though the Lord would say “you can come this far but no farther, for I am keeping the best part from being sullied by your knowing”. God forbid. “The glory thou hast given me I have given them” must become true in our hearing. Otherwise we shall seek (and if necessary, be allowed to find) the very thing the Lord states as an enemy of faith “How can you believe who receive glory of one another?”

And we might admit, as need be, before God, such cleansing of all other “glory” (that is not glory at all, but a shame to man) is only made ours through the knowledge of His son, our Lord. And how we need it. Yes, we ourselves. Even first before any other. That our only life is in Him, by Him, and through Him and His work. Even to putting striving souls to rest. Souls that have, even in what may appear smallest way sought to make themselves larger having fallen for the “too big to fail” temptation. “If I am just right enough, I am acceptable” And then, can never be found dispensable. Even to “See? I…even I, am just trying to be a help…isn’t that good enough?”

It is good to be made able to hear God’s laughter. It is pure, it is Holy, it is a sure thing. And God forbid any misconstrue the abundant entrance provided by Jesus Christ is not sufficient to even change a being laughed at to the glory of a laughing with. Take the Lord…seriously. Take your calling…seriously. But yourself? Be the most malleable thing of all, the weakest thing as putty in the hands of another. What issues from Heaven to you is above all precious. What may issue from yourself…to yourself, learn to discern.

I think I understand how easily this can all be made subject to some twisting. How that it can be made to sound as though an exercise in merely self abasement, false grasp at humility, and really, no more than a man seeking to make himself necessary, even as a helper. Thus making all this no more than the self aggrandizing it would, or may appear, to decry. Yes, I am kinda trapped myself. A caught thing. A captured thing. A thing that is no less caught “speaking” as though caught in the act is now subject to being accused; and by that very act, of being persuaded it has something to add, something to be of help. Well, yes. I am subject to accusation!

In truth…it’s far safer for me to agree. And I am the one who needs all the help there is. Particularly from the only One who can even save hypocrites.

Part 2 to follow.

The Inner (Hidden) Parts

Those places where considerations and conversations take place before we share them; where things that “bubble up” from the depths we cannot plumb suddenly burst in conscious idea and thoughts, and are either pursued or judged. Where we think about our thoughts, ruminate over them, speak to ourselves of their either value or corruption, are frightened or intrigued by them and where, ultimately, decision is made to act upon or share them. Or seek their discard. We believe they are ours to do with as we will. They seem…in every way our own. Un-witnessed but by us, unknown but by us, and judged…only by us.

Oh, but we are strange creatures in our assumptions! Strange in having them, made stranger still in their abundance, and even yet made stranger in a blithe acceptance to their ignoring. We think so many things are “one way” to us according to these assumptions; as a whole house is built upon a foundation that to each seems as level as can be, and goes up according to that level into that tower within we know as ourselves. And live in. And for the most part, despite the tenuous manner in which rooms are added to rooms, level added to level, we think ourselves sort of monolithic. I am “one” person. One in number and one in unity with myself. I am one I tell myself! I am me. And beside me there is no other…like me.

At least until a moment. And a moment like no other. An intrusion; even invader if you will, who shakes the very foundations of ourselves. Not merely upsetting our assumptions, but upending them as a plow turns the ground beneath the growing grass below its roots and exposes them to the withering light and heat of day. How shallowly we have entrusted ourselves to our being, how nakedly now is made clear we really have no root in ourselves below the mere surface. Yes, such a day can come…and has. When our tower is shaken to foundation and even below it, and all the language we have used in building is now foreign to us as a strange tongue indeed, confused in every way. When light comes and our doing within ourselves is exposed as seen, heard…and completely understood by another; and all assumptions, like vapors, begin to vanish.

We said “I am myself”…”I am one” but suddenly such is shown so very odd. For who was in the speaking? Who was the hearing “one”? Was “I” the one telling me? Or was it the “I” hearing me tell myself? Was “I” my thoughts? Or was the “I” the one perceiving them…as a man might watch a movie screen from his seat? Am I the on screen…or in seat? And…what of the projectionist in the booth behind me that I cannot see…choosing what movie will play out…is it upon me (as screen) or to me, as seated observer? I am not to myself as “one”, nor nearly as monolithic to myself as once I imagined, nor assumed.

It can be unsettling to see this totally reliant interplay…how that any lack or loss of that once assumed control a man believes he has over himself is to total effect. And most of all he begins to understand the depths that cannot be plumbed; find the seat where the projectionist abides from which this place of bubbling up of thoughts, projection of thoughts to the conscious mind…originate. Who, or what is in there? Call it a booth or depths, it does not matter. No amount of thinking, maneuvering, twisting/turning, craning of neck or imaginations can follow that beam through the darkness to its origins to reveal the projectionist’s face, or his intents and purpose. Think of clever way to draw him out, to make him show himself, to force him to prove to you who and what you are to yourself in heart of heart; true and full of reason, or evil and full of deceit?

Go ahead, try it. See if you can let go of your assumptions about yourself, by yourself…to truly know yourself. Use every trick you can think of to be sure to prevail upon and conquer this unknowing of your own depths to be sure of yourself. Follow back that beam…(as though to that projectionist’s booth) or down into what appears as depths from which and from where motives truly originate. Really , go ahead…get past that place of imaginations and assumptions you have that have kept you playing at the merest surface where you interface with others according to “My motives are good, they simply must be” or, “I am honest with myself and therefore with others” or even “I am beginning to know myself”… those first fractions of an inch we expose. The where we live. The merest surface to which we invite others to for their living with us.

Put on that wet suit, take that deep dive let go of the assumptions that buoy you, take a deep breath and hold it, ready to embrace those stones of doubt about yourself that will help you descend deeper…see how long and how far you can go without need to come back up for the air of “but you are a good person, a true person, a nice person to be around and play with”… “don’t be troubled or trouble yourself” the answers of all the other shallow swimmers that you embrace to feel not alone.

Or think you can grab a flashlight and sneak around back of the projectionist’s booth and ascend to where he is seated…and surprise him. See him, capture his being in your sight to a knowing of him in order to know yourself…as though he can be caught sleeping and unaware of your seeking him out. Just remember whence the even thought of trying to capture him has come from. He doesn’t sleep. He gives you ideas…even if they be to “try and find him out”. See how clever clever can be…and either surrender to:

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

and the giver of that truth as guide, or just continue to lie to yourself and others about knowing who, and what you are.

Jesus Christ never came up for air nor that air of comfort all other men seek after. He alone breathes in the darkness and into the darkness the breath of life, even descending into the very lowest parts of the earth to make His deposit of light. He died in His going and getting there, where no man can live except God give light, life, and breath.

And there He received it back to Himself…the resurrection.

And He exposed the one formerly seated. And where he ruled in cleverness.

We preach not ourselves but Jesus Christ as Lord.

Poor dear, and you thought the universe outside was large, deep, and mysterious.

For there is nothing hidden except to be revealed.

Who Speaks?

Is God…or no? Each man gives answer. And I must give answer for any of my presumptions if found in question, and that one specifically. I mean…who am I to ask? Who am I to query any man? Have I been made inquisitor…or is it sufficient I am limited to only those, like myself…who have found that the ultimate…and only real question? What has no care about it is well beyond my ability to cause to have care. And, if I am not content to be found speaking only to myself, I surely have no right of speaking to anyone else.

And rather than enter all the considerations of those things a man might observe to which he owes his own authorization for being and the doing of anything; (read: motive) whether religion, experience, tradition, intellect and/or education, emotion, willfulness, the subconscious and the whole scale of so called nobler and baser instincts that may constitute all or any man, let us forgo their assignment as his god.

It is easily argued that what exerts prime influence upon any man is to that man “his god”, let us rather cut to the chase immediately and speak of being and beings…if the man exists in all comprised of the aforementioned (even as his own god)…is there another being (or form of it) whom (or that) is God? We are here, if granted, limiting ourselves to a person not ourselves.

And that “other” being (even if in such form of being comprehensible in the minutest sense as there) is totally removed and apart from man’s experience of temporal and finite being, let us, if we can reduce to all yes or no for our purposes, consider God to be the supreme or supreme-est of being and Beings. One over all in omniscience, consciousness, presence, motive and/or purpose, power, consistency in both essence of action, and authority. The reason of, and for, everything…observed…and even not observed. The prime mover.

I know this is a big jump in such assignations for one could argue for an “idiot god”, an un-self aware/unconscious god, some form of mindless energy (or even so called spirit) that moves in effect and affects all apart from any self known purpose. But, that might be the bigger leap to argue such. No?

But that argument could be made by any who might think “If one is going to assign total consciousness, one might just as well (and as easily) assign total un-self awareness/consciousness” for both are as far removed from man in his experience as any other. But if we agree consciousness is (i.e. exists) you can see the conundrum presented in such argument. If the prime mover, origin of being, supreme (of) being is without it, it is all and only a construct within the creation. Therefore no appeal to it, or even for it if only self constructed in the creation can hold any authority for appealing to.

This absurdity is made clearer if we consider this matter in term of reason…and reasoning. And one would surely include logic if we try to hold this as “the standard” (reason and logic) of determination. It is entirely like a governing principle of any data expression or data expressing apparatus which, if left to itself, must descend to chaos in entropy (and perhaps already has) if apart from any original calibration or even continued calibration/intervention to ensure data is interpreted according to some standard of accuracy. Which, for our purposes, we might call truth.

The gas pump doesn’t know why it measures and “puts out” the recorded data of a gallon as it does…but you surely want to know the intention of both the fabricator and the calibrator is not caprice. (And more to the point…what would it take for you to trust a “self made” pump owing nothing to design except itself…and no knowledge of “gallon” except that which it has itself decided upon?) And do you really need explained how habits of use producing change require periodic renewal to an agreed standard? Any agreement to a concept of entropy, if applied to consciousness, would only mean it is subject to a degrading, in the creation if limited to it, not further, nor more refined, development.

The more clever of you already see the issue if we enter matters of stasis and change. What is “always the same” ( in stasis) even if inconceivable in experience (or experientially excluded) is nevertheless conceptually apprehended. So would be truth if established upon the same logic. Just as stasis can exist “in the mind” as concept but not found in experience, (except relatively) when we speak of the principle of truth as an unchanging matter, we are left with the same. Yet…who is not dogged (yes! in experience, even!) with the matter of “What is true”? With, and by, the concomitant assumption truth does exist.

But for our purposes (if we make any leap that there can even be…any purpose) I will not seek to establish any contention that because man is most often concerned with what is true this impetus must point to both its existence (truth) and the placement of such desire for knowing it as any argument that it has been placed (such desire to know)…by “a” something or someone. Wanting, even desperately, to see a pink unicorn could result in all futility. Except as one might only exist in mind…and it is not so silly a question as it may sound: “Isn’t that enough?” For terms we use casually…mostly convinced of their verity until deconstructed to making no true display…even such as chaos or randomness. Order is required, and must be…for their determination.

It seems not a bad argument at all, but I am not seeking to maneuver to such end of agreement. For it is, at this point, just as easy and legitimate to say man just made it all up…the notion of truth, and the truth of things…and the desire to know it. Yet, no matter the extent we may agree (or disagree) he appears dogged by its acquisition. Seeking knowledge that is (need it be said?)…true. If self evidence is provably corrupted by that contention to any other man, of myself (if no other) I believe it…true. Self evidence often takes a bad rap, for it seems unprove-able to any consistency among men. Yet, isn’t self evidence the starting point in man, any man…for knowing? If I “be not”…of what matter can anything be? No, I am (are you?) convinced of myself…”I am”.

Now one might be as contrarian as he cares to be even saying “There is no such thing as truth” or, “Truth, if it exists, is not knowable”, sounding vaguely atheistic in the first case and agnostic in the second. But one quickly sees the issue in such, for only an essential liar would seek to make a true statement that denies either the existence or know-ability of truth. Such self evidence should not be hard to understand. It is very much like a man saying “Everything I say is a lie.” Of what use would it be to ask that man “Is that true?” Or even respond to him? Isn’t it self evident the man that is saying “there is no ultimate truth” seeking to utter an ultimate truism?

But please, read no more into this than what I say. I am (specifically) not saying “Do not respond” but only asking the question if one can find any use in it. (Querying the man who declares himself liar) So the questions stands as it is “Of what use…?”…for either one believes there is a use and may by thinking on it come to it for response…or might say, “There is no use to it…” (Or even ignore all together) But, here again, the issue is not of any maneuvering to an agreement with me, per se.

The issue, if there is one (and you are already in the process of some agreement or disagreement) is to the matter of consistency and expression…does the man agree in himself? Does the man agree with himself? And if so, to what?

The matter of expression is already a completely settled thing, and that settled by existence. Is that true? Everything makes statement of its being by its being. Yet, might one ask “What is there (is there?) of man that seems unsatisfied by self evidence?” Not only so, but appears compelled to “add to” self evidence in such a way as to leave absurdity brazenly pointing at himself in his expression? And, perhaps rightly, you consider whether this writer is most absurd of all things. Trying to “prove” self evidence could be a foundation found for all lying.

“I think, therefore I am” on its surface may sound profound. (Talk about a mix…surface and profound!) And even though I am unable to ask of him whom that is first attributed as expressed, I nevertheless am provoked to the question of it. “What about the rock?” Do you see? Am I being contrarian? Absurd? If you cannot prove “thinking in a rock”…does it have less being than the thing claiming its existence is proved by it (thinking)?

The story of the philosophy professor thinking himself clever set a sign over the chair as class assignment “Prove the chair exists”. Yet he was himself taken to school, and could not deny the student an A+ who responded “What chair?”. Do you see? Do you also see the truth of it…regardless of whether you care to argue whether this “once” took place on a campus or is just “made up”? Do you begin to see that in all matters of truth…facts themselves (as we know them, call them…even call them the “true things”) can be trumped? And perhaps not only “can be”…but in truth in fact…must be? Might a man consider what seems all obverse to his thinking (and if so, how?) that truth is in all what supports fact, and facts; and not the other way around?

I cannot, in fact, prove whether the rock thinks at all, but is that of any matter? Does it “be less”, exist less, than myself…especially if I seek to establish my own being as “I am” because I believe I “think”? You can deny as fact that I think at all, (and I have little doubt some of you do) again, is that of any matter to my being? Is it made less…by what you think? Bump into me (as you are truly doing here) or the rock with your being, and find answer in yourself. The only question that remains, if there is one, is matter of expression. And whether the consistency of one’s self (if one cares to give out response) is consistent in what is given out. For what man gives out in word may be real as fact in what he gives out of thoughts and intents…but, are they true?

Seeking to navigate these matters with reason, or any process of rational consciousness requires the most basic assumption often overlooked…which if ignored becomes presumption; that there is a thing as reason and that it is both real and in some fashion useful. Our own logic, though to us so inescapably self evident must bear examination. Not merely its end product of confirmation or rejection of interpretation of data to our own minds, but its very foundation of utility to that end.

Any presumption here, or simple assumption/assertion that reason must exist merely because it presents itself to my mind as self evident and existent…must bear examination. Especially if our assumption at all includes it as being a reliable process for the establishment of truth in ourselves. It’s then seen as too far a leap till established, that it exists in every man; or, even if internally established and understood by any man…that it is therefore present in any other man.

The simplicity is absurd. If there is no reason to, nor for the universe, (here inclusive of all material matters including time and space man experiences in being) but the contention is that reason exists as a real matter of consideration (and for all considerations…of utmost utility as logic) whence its origin? In other words, if there be no logic to, nor for the universe, how does it exist as real (even if only agreed as found in man) in the universe? Agreeing man exists…in the universe.

And as much as this is a prior assumption; that is until it is settled to any man he exists, he obviously cannot go any further in considerations. Yes, this is required so we not proceed in presumption…as absurd sounding as it is perhaps, do I exist? And if to reason and if by reason I do establish that I do, my knowing of being is established upon reason. And this is where the question of its origin, source, nature, essence become paramount.

For were I to deny reason for the universe (as all things extant) but maintain there is reason in the universe, even if only that it is in me, how does a thing in a system acquire what is not given to the system…for the system? Or better…if denied as being given to, in, or for the system over all, can it be…in it “apart”? If by our reason we seek to, (in simplest terms make a step outside the system for examination of it, its nature and foundations of what is a given about it) reason must collapse the moment it is denied as being “there”. If reason…at best, can only lead ultimately to “there is no reason”, or “I find no reason nor see any”…it is self denying. Self abnegating. For, if reason is a function of consciousness (establish to yourself your axioms) but deny consciousness as reason for the universe (all matters extant)…ultimately consciousness is not only deniable…but denied. For how can one use a device/process (if we can reduce to that description) to establish its ultimate absence?

Here’s an absurd example. But it cuts the matter of intellectual honesty as surely as I can offer any hope for the hope that is in me. How that foundational in all is the matter of intellectual honesty of self evidence which, if denied in principle can only build according to corruption a tower of knowledge that is of itself, all corrupt.

You and I travel in vessels equipped such as they are. In them I will concede you find consciousness “in yours” as I do in mine. Here “amount”…even if it were measurable, matters not. The quality of the matter is all, and only salient…in whatever measure it is, it is sufficient enough it is. And sufficient to us.

A man travels by plane. In it are devices of data delivery. These devices are not self knowing of significance of data, only the pilot interprets that…much as whatever thing in you and me (by concession agreed to its presence?) interprets what “our reason” tell us. Funny, but we even say it so…”[my] reason tells me”, “[my] logic tells me” and the “me” speaks.

In the plane there are altimeters, air speed indicators, whatever host of instruments/devices onboard to deliver data to the pilot for his interpretations for safe travel. Are we not so much so, in ourselves? We want “true data”, not a product of some ill manufacture or faulty conception. We want intelligently conceived and constructed devices to be “telling us” distance from earth to prevent unwanted crash, air speed to ward off unintended stall, fuel indicators not manufactured by a drunken fool, nor at worse…according to random design.

Even were the pilot capable of building all his own devices to the point of his complete satisfaction and trust to their function…he would still have built, have had to build according to some prior concept of knowing (not only salience of such data, but necessity for avoiding catastrophe), in other words he would have to build from a knowing before the knowing of the reason it need be trustworthy. Knowledge of catastrophe to be averted. If that knowing is not there previous to start of construction of device the “reason” for device, if not assigned…is not only moot, but not establish-able. Which is perhaps why one does not find carousels, nor rice cookers (of necessity) in cockpits.

I told you it was absurd. But how much more absurd is it for a man, who claiming there is no reason for the universe, seeking to assign no reason by reason, or worse…claiming reason exists in him…but it is at best all function of random construction…without “reason” for it? Working as it were…by no law. Just random molecular/sub molecular arrangement or chaotic chemical interplay…creating consciousness to reason.

I wouldn’t fly so…nor make another move (if I were intellectually honest) and so informed (or had it revealed) that my basis of trust was all of chaos. Or, at very least, inescapably know if doing so, all culpability for catastrophe was then only my own.

And no less…for any cost incurred for whatever I crash into.

No man is reasonable until he discovers it exists beyond himself, shared to him, for him…even with a reason…to make him reasonable. Man can only oppose himself, and does, when he proposes reason exists everywhere in the universe (by laws universal he is ever in striving to uncover)…but not for it.

Only faith is reasonably spoken…all else is only allowed in tolerance by mercy and grace. But these are, that is…mercy and grace, another matter for discussion; though not a different discussion.

Who speaks?

Wishful Thinking

How often is the believer accused of wishful thinking! And, if the disciple is made honest and has more than a passing interest in the truth, he will understand that power of vain imagination and imaginings. He will not be quick to dismiss the notion of wishful thinking as being too poor a motive for his own consideration, or the possibility his mind may yet retain some subjection to in being.

Indeed, his hope is to be free of it through and through, that peculiar fashioning of matters whose verity is only established upon the appeal of such matters to it. It is not as though a disciple is unaware that man, and especially carnal man, is forever fashioning a reality in his mind that is always to his own advantage. His care for truth, even if he suggests he has any at all, is always secondary to this. Always.

The darkness of this bondage, so profound and unrelenting as to be even self hiding in delusion can only be dispelled by light and such light the disciple comes to understand cannot, and must not be made subject to his own approval. Light that lays darkness to waste cannot be subject to the one in any darkness, for such light alone is what brings all else into subjection to it. It is a peculiarly two edged sword of a gift, but the disciple even being cut by it, nevertheless comes to appreciate the saving nature of it as gift.

There are several scriptures that ought to come easily to mind with unsubtle references to actions mentioned.

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

He that speaketh of himself seeketh his own glory: but he that seeketh his glory that sent him, the same is true, and no unrighteousness is in him.

Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty.

Any desire that our testimony be pure and un-corrupted comes with all awareness of how pervasive is the inclination to lie…to see man’s propensity to “make things up” that even if sounding good, hold that kernel of death (as all lies do) that must be disclosed.

Again, the disciple becomes aware of this as gift, his being “worked upon” by another, and even more unrelenting as once his bent was toward fashioning comfort for himself. He is so very aware (even when in failure, and then perhaps even more particularly so) he is to represent the interests of another and not his own, by whose will salvation is come.

For that disciple it is no vain saying or theory that the Lord rebukes and chastens those whom he loves…and he comes to count this as salvation itself, being made subject to them. For he dare not let go of that truth having been made to see the utter peril of despair in considering the alternative. “Those whom I love I rebuke and chasten, be zealous therefore and repent.” What is under the Lord’s discipline belongs to the Lord as a disciple out of His love of possession, what is not subject to such has no part with Him. Fearful.

It was not in folly that Paul said:

Knowing the terror of the Lord we persuade men.

God forbid we be unsobered by chastening and brought to understand. It is not as though we are not understood in this discipline born in such care of love:

Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

God knows how unpleasant it feels at the moment of chastening. But, we are being ministered such by the sustainer of all things, and despite how it seems or feels, He is likewise able to keep us through it, show the life in it, and keep us from all despair even if, and when, it feels like we are losing all. And we begin to appreciate His working…even if (and thankfully so) it most often feels unrelenting.

What the world will not receive, and cannot, is made salvation to us. How much is accomplished in Him!

The clarity only found in Jesus Christ, the light sent into the world to retrieve His own becomes all of precious to us. And the cutting away of wishful thinking, it’s paring by a hand formed and skilled to such, is also life to us.

This matter of coming under His discipline I have not sought to soften, not by inclusion of my own testimony, but by those of faithful apostles and men found faithful to their calling. It seems to almost border on the harsh…and would indeed, were it not for the care and sustaining of the One ministering. Here the matter of wishful thinking begins to be dealt with for the sake of testimony…and the disciple’s own appreciation of salvation.

He knows he could not make up the precision with which he is dealt chastening of such accuracy to disclosure…but also…he would not have been able to choose this for himself. Men are called and summoned here, and no disciple mistakes the weight of coming under the mighty hand of God as something he could have perceived for his own preference from the onset. He sees God’s patience with him (and begins to appreciate it is likewise extended to all of His) that such is reserved to time of bearing, that such seeming painful sorrows could reveal such enduring glory. And he begins in some way…to see the sufferings of His Lord.

I understand how little of this at first hearing sounds pleasant. But, how much needing to be dealt with is…in it. And not only so is the matter of wishful thinking needing address made plain…but also how much else in the mind is disabused. For here is the matter of any and all resort to comforting ourselves, even if tempted to think we have suffered much “for the Name” comes into the focus of our Lord’s enduring.

Our enduring of such is called a “light thing” a momentary affliction in light of the Lord’s descent into the heart of the earth (of what is man made?) to retrieve His inheritance, His treasure. The revelation of Christ’s glory in accomplishment causes all else to pale…even those matters upon which we may have once thought we might horse trade with the Lord. We come to see our own religiosity exposed.

Here all is, and can never be less than (and could certainly never be more than) gift. I would die under the Hand if the Hand did not sustain me. I would curse the Hand if the Hand did not reprove me. I would run from the Hand if the Hand did not hold me. I would rue the Hand if it were not for the revelation of its piercing…for my sake.

The perfection of indebtedness made all too plain is the very thing that completely undercuts any hope…and as revealed, call, to repay. Till then…the vanity of wishful thinking, a seeming weight to “come up with” something to offer…even to men as to why such “chooses” to believe as they do is consumed. It is not that man has approved of Christ…and so chooses his own approval of Him, but that God has graciously revealed His approval of Him; the Father’s delight in the Son as manifest in the resurrection is given. God is delighted in those made sharing this approval found in Him.

We will know of the perfection of this faith through the resurrection as we too come under the mighty hand of God, knowing that no man can live there, except God sustain and raise.

“Darwin’s Survival Instincts” or “Intelligent Design is a Redundant Term”

Perhaps in the interests of full disclosure it should be made as clear as possible that I believe devotion to the name of Jesus Christ is all and only of paramount import. Please also note that I make no claim for myself to fixing my practical position relative to that. To the extent I fail in any ultimate examination of my practice vs. my confession I cannot help but rightly wear the label of hypocrite.

As the man who says he loves honesty and truth but plays loosely while calculating his own taxes, or makes claim to love justice or equality, but is found sneaking his own pinkie onto his side of the balance in all matters and might not expect to be found out, but is; my only plea might be no less than his own…mercy.

But this is where I begin from, believing in its abundance with hope that no matter how I may be found, mercy will have gotten there first. You can say it is there I have hung my hope, on the mercy found only in the name of Jesus Christ. And that of an enduring quality, due to its eternal nature extending far past my own origins and any end I might consider, or find.

But, we all know what lip service is, don’t we? Any man might find a suitable soap box to ascend and there, in either ignorance or cunning, make a fair proclamation of some rectitude. (Virtue signaling has surpassed almost every other usage of alphabet sequencing)

But practice or application of such righteous proclamation as from the heart is soon shown, for the more seeming noble is made of the proclamation, that built in testing of it must follow. Simply proclaim you love truth and immediately you will encounter all the temptations to lie in cover of all those matters that you know show your devotion is not quite as lofty as you proclaim. Do you doubt? Will you or I truly be able to “stand upon our record” if all is known? When all is known?

The only question then becomes, will you (or I)…lie? Politicians make a living (and always have) in being just a bit more clever in their cover skills…and their supply seems inexhaustible. But do not be so naive as to imagine I speak only of those whose name appear on a ballot somewhere when in reference of politicians. Most appear rarely if ever on TV, but often around dinner tables. And I have eaten a lot of dinners. I must bear my own record there…but…with hope of mercy.

Do I think I have any right to it…(mercy) even were I to shout the name Jesus Christ from now till my decease? LOL…God forbid…for that would make mercy (or me trying to make it) into something it is not nor ever can be. An expected thing due to a deserving…and mercy can only be mercy precisely because it is knowingly undeserved…but shown. The only question then becomes…has a man seen it, and if he has…will he then lie about it? Or his need of it?

In this we are on most common ground. We may not have any agreement upon the why or where of source, or even any particulars of mechanism; only that we know we have lived past a place we knew that despite a most grave moral duplicity we have been allowed to continue in hope of truth. You may not even agree it is that very simply defined to experience.

“Everyone makes mistakes” may be your mantra…but even that will be shown in testing by how you suffer those mistakes you think you allow for by “everyone” when you begin to see, or believe, they come in some cost to yourself. Politicians abound with nice sayings. And may even maintain the semblance of a smile while their toes are being stepped upon…for a while. But such false humility and smile surely only invites more stepping (See! He likes it. He’s asking for more!) till the taxing become higher than any care to pay…with smiles. Then out come tooth and claw. I have eaten many dinners. So, no doubt, have you.

I heartily recommend the dinner taking place around this table in the following video. The service is to me impeccable. And each dish served is, I believe, accessible, or made so in courtesy to almost every palate. There are no overly clever nor acutely arcane arguments made, no feints at introducing anything other than what appears honest intellect has cooked up.

No denigration of  topic’s source or its “postulator”. Indeed, despite acknowledging the unavoidable limits ignorance had imposed in available information, every effort is made to see Darwin as not only a fine and thorough observer and theorist, but an honest broker in the framework to which he was assigned and consigned.

What has to a great extent (for better or worse) withstood some test of time is no longer able to bear the crushing weight of science’s progress from the 19th Century till today, along with the attendant maths that then accompany it. What once appeared sturdy in both argument and refutations (as many theists would attest to its use) is now shown utterly frail in explaining what it purported to once, by explanation, accomplish. But again, without denigration. It’s hearty table fare if you care to watch:

If you watched it you obviously need no recap, but even if you did please bear a short one for the sake of those who cared not to.

Essentially with what is now known of DNA, protein synthesis and/or creation of “useful” proteins that sustain life, the math does not work in the allowed for time. For the purposes of the vid’s discussion life is reduced to a successful coding, or what is deemed success by just getting to the point of life and replication. The man on the right is a professor of computer science at Yale, the others philosophers/scientists with Berlinski a math luminary. All agree the explosive appearance of new species over a 10-70 million year period, which seems long, is not nearly enough when all permutations must be taken into account if solely dependent upon randomness.

Their arguments are compelling and do not neglect the incredible intricacy of  just one living cell. Darwin was not, and could not have been privy to all that has since been discovered taking place within one, as was addressed in Michael Behe’s book “Darwin’s Black Box”. That black box being the cell in which all manner of functions and incredibly precise workings on a molecular level take place, and whose workings Darwin could not know. For him the cell appeared little more than ill defined (and not at all understood) bit of protoplasm. He could not “look into it” with the tools and understandings now made available by over a century of scientific discoveries down to the molecular level.

Matters are addressed of need to a precise or functional completion. The building of proteins compatible with life (and leading to the emergence of new species) is likened to the scenario of an infinite number of monkeys on typewriters given an infinite amount of time to complete the full volume of Shakespeare.

But in this case we are not allowed an infinite amount of time, and likewise such precision necessary cannot suffer any sloppiness. This is pointed out in a brief reference to a Simpson’s episode wherein Mr. Burns, employing a million monkeys is in hope of the  perfect novel. Ripping a page from one he reads “It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times…”

In short “close” is not good enough as anyone with a genetic disease can attest…lack or misplacement on even the smallest scale of already established human genetic sequence can have consequences in the most pernicious of result. And therefore since time is of limit…”back to the drawing board” opportunities are of no less of limit…and the conclusion is there was simply not enough in that 10-70 million year explosion of new species to account.

Now, even were one to conclude, as these three intellects have, that here the model is abject in its failure, only Stephen Meyer holds any embrace for an intelligent designer, i.e. God. Both Berlinski and Gelernter, though honestly admitting they are in some way “back to the drawing board” for explanation are not comfortable with making that leap. The utter frailty of the one failed theory in conclusion does not automatically lend itself to that other conclusion. They are honest in this, or at least seem so, in their resistance. And this despite the overwhelming complexity and necessary precision they cannot deny. And surely not able, nor make any attempt, to account for or explain.

And the mathematics of it, which all freely admit is accessible to most any high school student is not of such nature as to be advanced or intricate by any means…it simply cannot be compelled to endure sufficient torture to make it work in a random setting with such time limit. Darwin, who had easy access to the math…did not have access to the intricacies of molecular biology.

Darwin’s model has survived long in many minds, and there are many yet who, either unfamiliar or uncaring to the colder facts of more recent science (and the math’s intransigence) may instinctually reject its rejection based solely upon an affection. And specifically an affection for what was once presented in (what appeared) firmest opposition to the otherwise seeming necessity of yielding to the proposition of intelligent design. Yet, of the three respondents, two still maintain their distance from that conclusion.

Now, no matter where one may care to rank these three men, especially if in reaction to their propositions, they are not intellectual slouches. “They’re stupid” is just not going to cut it here. And like the two of the three who steadfastly resist coming to any conclusion in regard to intelligent design (thereby implying an Intelligent Designer), and would likewise resist any attempt to use their conclusions to “sneak” God into the gap created, I agree.

First, because I too believe it would be intellectually dishonest. And also because the faith I hold goes, not only to a difference of degree than just a sort branch or brand of monotheism, but of entirely different kind…or if you will, species. (That you may only see it so, as have many others, I will not now contend against. That is that monotheists are all the same in basic tenet and religious benighted-ness, though particular doctrines and practices may seem to vary.)

But, plainly…a simple rebuke of Darwinian theory does not for me get anyone (and surely has not delivered me) to the “faith of the Son of God”. It is far simpler than being encumbered with necessary refutation of any, or all, alternate possibilities presented. But that is a discussion for another time, perhaps. For now, if we concede the possibility that there might be such a thing as intellectual honesty, it is enough to pursue it. And this is particularly why I find the term “intelligent design” redundant.

I thought I’d begin with some sort of definition of terms…beginning with intelligent. But I sense the necessity is to actually begin with honesty. Intelligence and intellect may follow, but really, honesty is the better start. Because if intellect is not in service to it there’s not even any point in discussing.

For this I am less inclined to consider the property of honesty. That’s a big step, I understand, for it would seem we would first have to come to some agreement there is such a thing. But this is an essay, not a tome.

But look at how much we already take for granted. Do you “use” words? I obviously do…and am. We’d never get to anything if in our use of words…we then had to use words to define each word to each other…and then those words of definition must be defined…and on and on and on. So as we start from some agreement (if not, then let’s admit all attempted communication is futile) and either show ourselves liars by continuing to attempt it, or be silent.

So, less the property of honesty (as we may agree there is truth, or beauty, or love) and cut to practice. Can a man be honest? Can it be practiced? If so, what does that mean? Is it not bringing to outside what is taking place truly or is truly being beheld or thought…on the inside? Is that a simple and fair enough assessment? At least for our discussion? Expression of what is taking place. And we will (and perhaps must concede) to this seeming brief codicil that contains a universe of consideration (essay not tome!) “with as little coloring as possible”. (Find that universe of consideration in this: “Honey, do these jeans make my butt look bigger?” and/or to be fair “Honey, do you think me a good husband?”)

We might see a need to surrender right now. That brief codicil could be overwhelming. Maybe we must concede to it simply because it is so…overwhelming. Just proceed from the impossible because otherwise there is no process (of communication) and no proceeding? We do it though, don’t we? But what are those implications, then? Talk about staring into an abyss…

Yep, we do it on and with everything, this process (that may indeed be honestly impossible) like a compulsion. On Tee shirts, on paper, on screens, on coffee mugs, stones, clay tablets, papyrus, canvas, marble, skin, celluloid, with smoky sky writing, on and with everything that can be bent to service. This does not even begin to address what we have, in a remarkably short amount of time, pumped into electromagnetic frequencies for deciphering.

And, besides that, what is the fountain at the Bellagio saying?

And of course…mouths. Through any medium available…we are either bent on lying everywhere…or trying to be honest, which may be the most sincere and honest indictment that we are all…just liars. Honesty…would not have to try.  I am not going to conclude or try to (ha ha! at least with as little color I believe I add) lead anyone to concluding honest communication is no more than a myth. Let each be convinced.

If one believes in love, truth, beauty, or consciousness, or any number of intangible transcendents  (including intelligence)…honest communication might just as well be there, too. After all, do you doubt you are conscious? Have consciousness? (But I know you have certain doubts already about mine, or at least to you…its right function) Am I lying?

No, whatever of paradise that was lost in our losing of paradise, has pretty much left us suspicious. That child’s open faced reception to all gets pretty quickly reformatted in this world. Even if something underneath, like remnants or broken traces of code persist; not entirely wiped and almost taunting like the nagging phantom pains of an amputated limb belie its absence, we want to trust. But…the cost of leaning upon a thing seemingly “not there” except in ethereal concept (or vague memory) has led to too many tumbles and injuries. And so to preserve ourselves from further hurt we cast a suspicious eye to see what intelligence it gathers in its excursions. Is the intelligence gathered useful? Or spurious and most possibly harmful?

Rarely do we consider the adopting of that suspicious, skeptical, and to the extreme cynical eye (that seems so useful for protection) might itself be doing the greater harm. It is a short trip to jaundiced, keeping everything of relation and the possibly relatable at more than arm’s length. Is it safety? Or is it actually the opposite…a soul’s withering in starvation that is ensured?

The even rarer consideration that the suspicious eye so influences all, even to our ability to doubt our being honest with ourselves seems all but off the table. To ourselves we are sure we are seeing rightly, and being honest with ourselves. The deepest cynic may rarely confess to it, that is being cynical, but to himself he never doubts his reason is well established for being so. To himself he is just being a “realist”, not bent to cynicism…but that reality is truest cause for that truest response of cynicism.

He mocks what he considers the naive, not merely for a stance that appears to him mock-able…but precisely for being so “out of touch with reality”. He might never consider it is his own naivete that ensnares him…so silly to believe “I would never lie to myself”. Going so far as “my experience is both true and my experience is always rightly interpreted by me…to me.”

He of course then imagines he is the only one (or of the very very few he may accept) “not lying to himself”. The soul becomes hard and brittle there and such hardness then testifies to himself of that hardness. Shrill. And he is further distanced from those he is sure are only lying to themselves to spare themselves his true experience of such hardness as he endures. Find me a man who in some way is not convinced his own sufferings have been truer than others…his school of hard-knocks more real, and you will have found a rare man. Find a man who considers his own sufferings have been small or negligible and you may find a man remarkably free of judgment…for almost all judgments of one another come from that curious place of “I really know what suffering is”.

Why find any link between enduring suffering, honesty, and the proclivity we have for lying to ourselves? Of what matter, anyway? Because we don’t attach anything of a moral nature to enduring a pleasure. Who needs or shows any moral fiber in being happy? But we attach a nobility to suffering and its endurance…and all the more if we have a continuum on which we place our metrics of how well we consider it endured.

Two men might strike their thumbs with a hammer suffering the same injury, but we almost always have some judgment of the one who goes “on and on about it” whining long after the other man has returned back to his roofing. Did both endure the same moment of injury? Yes. But one (whom we usually adjudge the less noble) continues to capitalize upon it. Do you not find this so? And if so…the man you adjudge the “more true” (and especially as to why) will say, in truth more about you than you may think you disclose. Really…who likes a whiner or whiny-ness? Who endorses it?

So it is if in observation of the woman from Beverly Hills leaving a boutique on Rodeo Drive breaks a nail seeking to carry an overweight shopping bag cries to the heavens of her great misfortune, we hold one opinion. Of the woman who has walked a mile to the river to beat what few clothes she has on a rock breaking the same nail doing laundry, we hold another. I am not seeking to attribute anything but that we do, in almost every matter and circumstance observable…come to a judgment. And how we judge often says less about any given situation than it does about us.  How do you feel about broken nails? “Well, it depends.”

And it might just as simply be that intellectual honesty is no less uselessly redundant. Honesty is honesty. It either is or isn’t. And if one concedes to its existence then it is either a governing principle or it is not. Then the question, if it can suffer being  posed by one to another (who has the right to probe another?) is either answered in truth or duplicity. “What do you think or are you thinking? and/or, “What are you feeling?” will pretty much encompass the rational and emotional experiences in toto. Then it is all left to the discerning the influences they mutually exert. (And now the questioner is no less subject to probing) “How do you discern?”

There may well be a right to ask, but the matter of right to response is entirely different. What gives any a “right to an answer” is argued in every form by which societies seek to construct themselves. Who is allowed what and who is owed what? And these matters are usually decided by the parameters of power. The lesser has no right of demand against the greater (in power). And since we have made no such agreements between ourselves (if this even be published) all is to this point allowed, with no requirement or incumbent upon any party.

(Now, here’s a funny thing. I intend to submit this to a site called the “Chaos Section” for publication. Maybe together we will see how much can be borne of chaos.) I personally am convinced lying is not the best thing. We all know what “lip service” is, don’t we? “His contentions make no sense!” and “his writing…ugh!” But what better forum then? Chaos owes nothing to any. If a section of chaos opts more toward its own perception of meaning it obviously knows nothing of chaos except as a really cool word. Beware your branding. Or not. And simply admit you believe all is of happenstance and without consequence. Or not. You owe me no confession.

Consequence. That is where all our rubber meets the road. It’s where the term “intelligent design” reveals its redundancy, or from another view…doubles down. To have any perception, persuasion, conviction, that anything is connected in itself to outcome “I think therefore I am”. Or to any identification at all in the most fundamental sense “this thing is not that thing” in matter of expression and therefore perception, is to embrace design. You are what testifies of design. I have no right of response here, but I do have right to ask: “Do you distinguish?” What info is in your intelligence retrieved and delivered (as a spy might), to your consciousness? Any?

It is in that you admit to design. Even by your intelligence of recognition. In the most extreme sense which is the simplest also, you would not even consider the thought experiment of setting an infinite number of shoes before an infinite number of typewriters to produce “Now is the Winter of our discontent…” Your mind excludes that possibility. It must start with what it considers potential for consequence to a certain end. So, not only does it acknowledge design, it does by that acknowledgement admit it is supra design, even designed to recognize design.

Design itself testifies of intelligence. Design inherently implies intent…and intent…intelligence.

If there is any utility to forming and using words then what else is intelligence but perceiving design and the consequence(s) of it? The turtle is not blamed or held to any disregard in some form of wrongness for becoming a stain on a highway. The slug and worm even less so. Had it known the consequences of leaving the grass on the shoulder by recognizing what pavement is designed for…?

The smarter mathematician comes up with the “right” consequence to an equation presented. The smartest, or most intelligent of them (if one prefers) when presented with the mystery of the equation discerns its design, connection, its aiming where others may not; and certainly where most others (not math geniuses) do not yet even perceive the design of it.

One is free to say there is no design. No intelligence. And therefore can be no designer. Nor intelligence prior. But once one admits to it…hook, line, and sinker he is caught. The consequences of knowing are real. But, worse are the consequences of lying. For to say “there is no design” or “all is only chaos and complete randomness” is belied in the saying. For to “say it”, to form to expression believed comprehend-able by the speaker, is to manifestly admit and submit to design. And even worms are intelligent enough to not be liars. All a man need do to show himself liar in his declared denial of design…is incline his head to a sound heard. Fluff his pillow.


Yes, he believes in design…because he seeks, and even manipulates toward favorable consequence (whatever form that may take to himself) and is constantly caught in outcome.

But, even liars can find a place. I have.

Beyond Reason

OK, that sounds as pretentious as I can probably make anything. But I do not really know any other way to put it. If I try to put myself in the place of a reader I’d tend to think either, “Here comes a load of offal that may be fun to poke through for a while until the writer slips off his cliff” or the worse imagining “This fellow must believe he has something to say of some gravity”. (And gravity is a great help to slipping…even off cliffs when need be)

My learning to live in apparent paradox finds me engaged with a tireless tutor. Whether He finds me, or better, how He finds me is completely beyond my present apprehension. Am I diligent or slacker? Mindful or mindless? Attentive or distracted by every shiny presentation of puffery, truly, I do not know. I know I think I know “how I am”, but if I told you that is the set up to what I consistently find as one of the most hilarious and Heavenly jokes would you get it?

When I feel as though I am being taken aside by the Real One as though being led by “Come, do you want to see something really funny?” (And my response can never be anything less than “of course!”…)                                                                                                         “Here, then, I’ll show you a man that thinks he knows himself…” Our joined laughter as the spotlight falls where it must is never without a fullness of joy. And, you either get it, or don’t. I shudder to think what it must be like to not hear His laughter, especially in exposure. But, I am told…it can happen. God forbid!

Do I not want to be taken seriously? Ha ha! God forbid I lie here! Oh yes, a thousand times, yes…I want very much…to be taken seriously. But the Wise One who never ministers to me but of grace (even if I doubt it!) sees past my desire for submission to my necessity of concession. He concedes to me allowance to be me, though my desire is always toward the being “something greater”. Talking mud ever seeking to see itself as beyond mud, able to exact from other mud a hearing, (And even more laughable, an understanding!) and perhaps that is where the greatest grace is ministered, to find laughter there. 2 Cor. 4:7

These paradoxes, as they seem paradoxes, are where we as believers, live. Where the least is greatest, the first is last, the dead truly live, and the man who hates (and loses) his own life shall find it. There are many many more mention-able and I do not doubt you are in some way familiar with them. After all, we follow Him whose continuous confession was in coming to die, and this despite all the most remarkable things we see spoken and done “in His life”…His singular purpose (and to which all led), was His own death. “Father, what shall I say? ‘Save me from this hour…’?” John 12:27.

Who “comes to live” for the sole purpose of dying?

Who will explain…being sent…to do this?

And if we have in ourselves what seems any explanation at all, such that we might think we can now explain it, have we yet found the perfection of frustration in trying to do so? How that necessity…cannot be explained but only experienced? Here the “wisdom of the wise” perishes, the logic of the great logician fails, the smart are smarted by their own smartness, and the clever are forbidden.

Men always and inevitably seek relief from necessity and the suffering found in it. Lack, in whatever form identified, and then perceived in that man as lack, is then the mainspring informing all of his motions, expressions, and thoughts to its satisfaction and resolution. (And here it is of no matter at all whether one consider the Princess and the Pea to a man waking to find his house afire) Oh, how we easily judge between them; the one being frivolous in motive and motions toward comfort, the other quite really (to us) in dire necessity of safety. But to each one necessity is working, regardless. Again, judging the thing or things they consider necessary seems unavoidable to us, and we inevitably (do we not?) judge their character/nature according to our own necessity. The Princess is manifestly silly and vain, no? But, the man scrambling to wake his household? Well “there is no fault in him, at all!” It also then seems we are of necessity thrust no less, into place of judging. And as believers, we know Jesus Christ has much to say about this.

Let’s face it squarely, if we can. We like judging. We ascend from position as mere observer to now overseer, assigning (as it were) from there our ascription of good and evil. We dole out. We are supplier to creation! We are the determining One! What “should be”…and what “should not”.

We may do well to remember Jesus’s response and particular addressing by name the one who would correct His vision, knowledge, and purpose of being and direction: “far be it from you Lord…”.

“Get thee behind me Satan!…”

Harsh, huh? To a disciple, an apostle (how do we think Peter “felt”?) in the way of it. For Jesus was addressing to the heart, essence, spirit of a thing.

Yikes! (Are we learning?)

Have you ever tried to salve your own wounds? Who hasn’t? “I was just trying to be nice to you, Jesus…you’re just so good and all (in my ascribing!) that I was only trying to forbid a bad thing, and evil thing (in my ascribing) happening to you!”…”I just don’t see the necessity of that for someone as you, indeed it’s all of unnecessary.” Even to the absurd.

Of course Peter had no idea for what he was speaking. “Father forgive them, they know not…” But he was being motivated (yet even for God’s purpose) to speak against the work of salvation.

Yes, the Devil can supply many reasons for his being as he is…even to our acting in accord with him in his influences, that seem above all…good and reasonable.

Yes, the Devil most often speaks…not as supremely clear malevolent one, plainly rubbing his hands in fiendish plotting, but as a “nice guy”. Is it any wonder we are told he is so easily mistaken by transforming himself through his subtlety as an Angel of Light? He seems so very…reasonable! Here, we must be cautioned. Especially, particularly, essentially…to “our own” reason. And we find…Jesus alone, clear discern-er both to us, and for us. He alone divides soul, and soul(ish) from Spirit. Heb 4:12. He remains…the Living One, and active. Only He, by His spirit can bring us past our own reasoning(s) of what is better or best, what should or should not be…to what truly…is.

Censure of certain thought, plain rebuking of such, and clear forbidding are the work of the Holy Spirit by bringing Jesus Christ to sight and reminder. This is His work being done in us. For us it seems progressive who are now experiencing it in time. But the axe has been surely laid to the root of the tree in we who believe; and whether we behold its withering (to us) swiftly, or attenuated to some form, is of no matter. That work is done, and sure. Our soul is being informed of spirit (where our reasoning takes place) to be conformed in spirit to Spirit. The once barrier that locked our soul “down” in fear of death is destroyed in Christ. The barrier that locked us up likewise to “our own” reasoning as alone supreme is no less annihilated. Reason Himself has entered the place of “our reasoning”. As He is no less righteousness, wisdom, sanctification and redemption. He is the Logos. Here is fulfilled “come, let us reason together”.

And it is here as we continue, as we present our reasonings, God through Christ then presents His reason. The light that falls here, is revealed here, made plain here, begins to uncover the foundations of our own reasonings, and they are disclosed. The unexamined assumptions and presumptions upon which our reasoning has sprung forth are displayed here and their under girding of all we previously thought perfectly reasonable, crumbles.

The above paragraph deserves your unwavering inspection. Not because there is any deserving of attention to anything I say or do, that is not the matter at all. But if you do not see it plainly for its naked proposition that there is nothing established to any end of matter by the reasonings of man; or any work, concept/idea able to withstand its own consequence, the point is entirely missed. We all must come face to face with this matter as either true to us as stated in the scripture, or not:

For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.

You and I will probably read this in one of two ways. There may be more than two, God knows, but let’s deal with the obvious. Is it:

“God being wise is seeing that the world is unable by its wisdom to know Him, and therefore has ordained another thing, the foolishness of the preaching of the gospel in order to save those who can, or will, believe it.”?

Is that a reasonable sounding rendition or interpretation? It seems so…except for one thing. It makes God reactor to man’s estate. It makes God the provider after His wisdom is informed of man’s inability to use his wisdom to come to know him. And that would be fine…for a god that is not omniscient, for a god who needs to come to see things, learn things, be made aware of things. For a god who does not see the end from the very beginning.

And likewise…does it not seem to have an element of challenge in our hearing? Almost as though a proposition is being offered, “I (God) am giving you the opportunity to dare to believe something so outlandish (foolish), that if you will do that “crazy” thing, I’ll give you salvation”? I am persuaded, that despite our often feeling challenged, God does not challenge us to believe. He remains clear through Christ to the otherwise…instead telling us how things…are. If we feel challenged in that, it is our own view(s) that have taken up opposition…and “come out” to do battle.

But, might another reading be this:


God in His wisdom has ordained man’s wisdom insufficient to knowing Him (locked him up to its futility) but has likewise ordained release from this futility by the preaching of what appears foolish to that futile wisdom, the gospel, for its very undoing of that futility amongst those who believe it.

Does that second reading “throw” any light upon this:

“For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.”?

Or this:

“For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth.”?

Do you yet see man “locked up”? And where in particular…in doing, in thinking…in being. And by Whom?

“For the creature was made subject to vanity…”

Another frequently used word there for vanity is frustration. Now, this becomes all of unreasonable to man. First because he does not at all like being told, or learning, all of his finest reason, all of his exquisite logic is to frustration. All he may set out to acquire in understanding by himself, must always fall short of incorruptible truth. And not only so, but be in opposition to it.

The simplest way of putting this perhaps is this: Man reasons to “a” reason for things, and God, not being thing, neither requires, nor is dependent upon “a” reason for being. God is. And all else, whether principalities and powers in the spirit, or things made visible to the natural all find their reason in Him, alone. Please understand, this writer is not saying at all, that God is without reason or unreasonable. He is simply not reason dependent in His being. He is the source of all reason…and not subject to it. This seems a subtle thing perhaps, but when seen (as it may only be by the man called of God) its plainness becomes most clear, and also the many experiences of frustration are also made apparent. Especially in matters of seeking to apply man’s intellect to either bring oneself to a “seeing”, or in attempting to bring another to such. God must intervene (as we experience that must) in matter of revelation of Himself, or there is simply no knowing of Him. How much then, might a man rejoice in considering Jesus’ words to those who desired to have that power He demonstrated, “what must we do to work the works of God?”

Jesus’ reply holds for us now such great promise and truth, where once frustration only reigned.

“This is the work of God, that you believe upon Him whom He has sent”.

This is the work God is about, especially amongst those called His own in Christ…God is forever working to perfect our faith, or make clear to us that faith found in Christ, (and this done through Christ) that this matter of faith, once appearing as all of laughable to the natural man (and no less, often a vexation to us) and the weakest form of “knowing”, is now made to us as strength and the perfection of it, in creation. We may admit at some point our own handling of the faith, has caused us to often consider “but, how does this stuff work” how is it used…rightly? What is it? How do I wring the power from it?

There is neither need nor benefit in any attempt to explain faith, at least as a thing. Are there limits to it? As one might seek to explain a refrigerator, or a beetle; able to see it as a discrete thing with a boundary able to be contained in eye of such and such form and limit…and from there enter into it for its deconstruction to  their parts with knowledge and reason…and “break it down” to components understood? We work from both inside and outside…from outside to determine its limit, from inside to deconstruct to that very limit. We get to the exoskeleton of the beetle satisfied we have gotten to its limit, from there everything in our seeing from the outside is called beetle…everything beyond that, is not. Or refrigerator, (and metal skin…or paint upon it)…but we do not poke around an inch or a foot away from what we see of the refrigerator or beetle for more knowing…for we have already summed up these “things” to their limit in our sight. We can contain them in both eye and mind (or so we think).

But God? (and it serves every man well to remember he thinks and speaks in His presence) There can be no determination of knowing from “outside” what is of no limit in or to sight or understanding. We cannot define His border, His perimeter and there with such knowing, assay now to know the inside to the very outside. If anything at all is to be known…there must be a bringing of our consciousness to the inside. The wiser among you will already recognize that such usage of “inside/outside” is useless to the absurd in such a matter for there is no thing outside or an outside to the limitless. And so faith, which once appeared the weakest form of apprehension, knowing, determination is now shown not the strongest among all other forms…but the only amongst any form, that avails. For here is where we encounter all that is not thing.

And faith as we know it is delivered, given, bequeathed…for we discover it is not a feely touchy thing accompanied by some spooky background music or chorus…but all that is of the conviction, the hard, firm, resolute, and immovable conviction we come to see and then know, in Jesus Christ. It is all and only what is not airy fairy, spooky, nor theremin accompanied. Faith is of all practicality, but not a tool, the substance of the all consciousness that can never be divided or dissected from it for its “own” inspection.

There is no more reason for faith than one might find for reason for God. Oh yes, we may expound upon the reasons (as they appear to us) for why we believe, and are not forbidden, the “things” we may see as antecedent to our believing, events, (even miracles as we perceive them) experiences, appeals to our knowings. But in leading to God we must all ultimately see He is all that has no reason to be. There is no antecedent to Him, no before that in “because” affirms His being, nor after in consequences to reason back from or supply reason to. We may yet have not understood the full significance of Jesus’ saying “All things are possible to him who believes”, but we dare not deny it, nor His saying it. Dare we…if we are learning…correct the Lord as to what “all things” means?

The truth there is as indivisible from God…as Jesus Christ has shown Himself in being. He cannot be separated, there is no place of occupation where a man might stand to perceive some division in God. To us, in our understanding it could appear so…some “He (God the Father) is this, Jesus is that”. But we begin to also understand the “why” of seeing Jesus, if we do, is never apart from the selfsame seeing of Him, (as) at the right hand of God. It is not as though God the Father thrusts His hand into the picture (so to speak) there is never a seeing of One, apart from the seeing of the One, who is One. (Do I become too tedious or cryptic? God forbid) As Jesus said in reference to what must command attention over fear of what can kill only the body “I will show you whom you should fear…” And “if you have seen me, you have seen the Father”                                       If you see. If I see.

It is in that seeing Jesus walked.

Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.

Do we see? Do we see what Jesus is saying? And just as surely…what is not being said?

Do we see how this goes far past the WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) that has made its way in popularity? Jesus is not saying “I try to figure out what God my Father would do, or even is doing, and do the same”. No, it is not that at all…it is not a copying or seeking to copy, trying to copy, reasoning to a copying. The dependence is not made to the doing…but the seeing. The seeing is all that enables Jesus to “do anything”. Could it ever be any different…for us?

Listen if you will to what Jesus is saying here:

For the Father loveth the Son, and sheweth him all things that himself doeth: and he will shew him greater works than these, that ye may marvel.

“and He will show him greater works than these”  Do we hear? Is Jesus not saying and reiterating His total dependence upon the Father’s showing (and His seeing) these works, and not only that, but Jesus is content (and confident) in the place that He will see more? Is this not faith? As in: “I do what I see, but, I shall see even more and greater?” Is this not the faith of the Son of God being spoken?

How much this puts to rest the notion of Jesus simply being a miracle worker doing His own thing. As if he were some sort of all powerful being simply “popping” off miracles from His own repository of the supernatural. No, in truth Jesus also puts that whole notion quite to rest in saying “The Son can do nothing of himself”. Again then, how much more, as we who follow, should we know this…perhaps than we do?

It brings us back to those marveling at Jesus’ demonstrations of power, so awed by their own weakness in comparison to ask “What must we do to do the works of God?”…in short, “what do we have to do, to have this powerful stuff?”

Jesus answers, not by giving them something to “do” to get this, as though a performance “of something” would suffice in exchange. As in “do this and God will make you supermen too”. God forbid. But, how does He respond?

“This is the work of God (God’s works) that you believe upon Him whom He has sent”.


All of this is just to bring us to believe in you, Jesus? Not only that…but this is all that God is about in any labor, all that God is working for and toward?

Now, this is and has been a very disappointing response to what only craves mere power. This helps not at all. The seeming limits of it to one purpose…is very discouraging to what has any lust toward having power “to do its own thing”…relieve itself of its own powerlessness. But what at first may seem discouraging (yes, even to the disciple “I believe you Jesus…now where is the POWER!!??) such a disciple may, through the patience of God and the ministry of the Holy Spirit, see what and where such lust for power originates. And that he has been called apart from that lusting thing. Oh, it is a great and marvelous work, such deliverance! We are able to then discern a separation, a parting of the ways with which merely follows…not based upon a love of the truth…but a desire for power. It seems a subtle thing, a difficult thing to express; how that we must come to terms with the nature of true power, as from true authority, and not be any longer captivated by seeking the means of our own deliverance. For, isn’t that what mere power often speaks most clearly to, until we are enlightened? If you had power…you would need not suffer…anything against yourself. You needn’t ever bear…anything contradictory to your being. You could fix all for yourself. Yes, power can dazzle. (And it is not as though God is ignorant)

Is God not awesome in power? Only the silly would have any answer other than yes. But is that ultimately (and here the winnowing gets quite severe…all to our benefit and, yes, glory) what God shall remain to us? Just a huge dynamo? Faceless and ineffably churning of light? Or do we believe Jesus? That what would otherwise appear to us as a  gazillion volts of unending and self sustaining power…is to be known…as Father? And not only so…but knows, and relates to us…as Father to child? Oh! We desire power (God knows!) and yet in such blinding glory we know we must be consumed…but that does nothing to diminish our desire to be “plugged into it“. Yes, we have (or at least had) a fatal attraction…to power. No man can touch that gazillions of volts…tame it, subdue it, control it…without getting fried…but somehow…even that intuitive knowledge…does not diminish the desire to “ascend to it”, grasp it, and have it. And many the fool has tried to “handle” that power. (See Simon Magus.)

One came specifically…to be handled only…by it.

Thankfully, blessedly, wonderfully, gloriously, unutterably, Jesus shows us in His being the way of true power, the revelation of that true power, as being under the authority of that very and ultimate power, its great exercise of the power which is true…not only (or merely) includes restraint, but is of that very nature, restrained. Do we not yet see that in Jesus Christ, who is made salvation to us? He who could have asked of His Father 12 legions of angels…but did not…how can we not be at least as captivated (even puzzled if need be) by such character, as once display of naked sizzling power held our attentions?

How much might we say about this? Could there ever be “enough”? How that…without an iota, without one syllable uttered against the most glorious power of God, Jesus showed the true glory of that ineffable power through the power of restraint. And that…for us. Being made salvation, for us. It is not that “power of restraint” is greater than “other power”…it is that the true power is constituted in it. (if we might say God’s power is constituted of anything…which I concede to the absurd). Simply….we have just been all wrong…about power. “How” it is. Really, how He is.

We may ask “how so”? How could we be so wrong about the nature of power? As with anything in which we have found a perception or concept in need of most drastic revision we are are reminded that the “fall”, our fall in Adam, was not some small error. Not a something that bumped the rudder and sent us slightly off course. Our direction from that moment was all opposed, not merely slightly askew. This is, of course, impossible for the natural mind (and naturally inclined, even believer) to receive, for to himself he may yet think himself in some way kindly affected toward God, or the idea of Him. It is only the mind of Christ, which reveals the experience of Christ that demonstrably shows the opposition of darkness to light. It is in every way the stance of opposition, of enemy.

Now, the wiser man. who will not consider himself wise for this, for he did not figure it out, nor come to it by some innate ability to calculate, has had this issue pressed to him in lesson. He did not choose it, and he knows he could not have, would not have. But the lesson comes, nevertheless. It is part and parcel of lesson(s) that underscore the reality of what Jesus said in “This is the work of God…”. God ever working to bring us to believe upon Him whom He has sent. And so the man who has been in this lesson knows this “I see what is opposed to Christ, I even see that once I was opposed to Christ. But now I do not perceive myself so, now I perceive myself as a  “saved man” with affection for God. I perceive in myself an affection for Jesus Christ.” One may even have testimony bolstered among other men, or find at hand those things that encourage such bolstering…from other men. This I have learned to call the wooing to, or by the “amens”. The things we may look to for assurances. I believe I love the Lord, others tell me they see that in me…therefore…(and such reasoning) “points” me toward conclusion, “I am a/the man who loves the Lord.”

How God may reveal to such a man the corruption of such reasoning is not of consequence. That God brings such to a place of defeat in that concluding, I am persuaded. It is made plain to the man his inability to “choose the good” despite all his prior self convincing he is himself now ably made to do so…because he “loves God”. It will appear an unkind lesson, a very severe lesson, indeed even an enemy’s work! But when the man awakes to the seeing the very Whom to which he was so strongly opposed, and even opposed as enemy, he begins to see. He begins to see the folly of assuring himself…to anything. Of anything…and particularly, especially, as a “lover of truth”. For he begins to see this is at work in all…all are (with that man no exception) summed up in this: “Every man is convinced he is right in his own eyes”.

No man thinks himself a liar, no man thinks himself opposed to truth, (and surely what has been self convinced of its salvation could ever imagine it is opposed to God!) no man thinks himself so particularly perverse…as to hate the truth. But when this lesson begins to bear fruit he sees the profound meaning of the condemnation found in refusing here:

And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.

While “in the lesson” the man begins to understand “fear and trembling” as he is brought to survey his enmity against God and His way (Jesus Christ) and such conviction of “lostness” is overwhelming to the very point of despair. And such a deep despair of himself where, despite torment, terror, and such anticipation of the finality of righteous judgment of himself (for though he with all is experiencing all dread…he has not the strength to hate it toward the manufacture of excuse, no ability to stand in response except “this is precisely where I have earned my place”, no answer at all against the plainness of his position as being rightfully ministered, where he is completely “shut up” that even squirming to be free is denied) something can happen. It is the only “something” to happen that has ever had any consequence, the only “something of happening” in which the man now sees he has had no part, is even beyond appeal for in conviction of such lostness of deserving…salvation. He is plucked from that place, by another, and another’s work…

“If the righteous be scarcely saved…” he awakens to. “Knowing the terror of the Lord, we persuade men” he awakens to. He awakens to an understanding that he may at best (in fear of presumption now of declaring what “he knows”) see in some part vague…but O! so true…”It has taken nothing less radical than the slaughter of the innocent Son of God on my behalf to touch me” In one sense he sees “all of creation was caused to suffer reversal” that I might see. All that had no death within (Jesus Christ) was caused to enter death…all that had no sin…was made to be the very thing it is by nature not…that I might live. And here he knows he could never have reasoned to this, nor even find reason for it as a “something” in consequence that his reason could cause submission to.

He is being brought past reason to necessity. Man must be saved. And, I am that man…that must be saved. Wherever now he touches his own reasons and reasonings…(where once he felt quite at home) he is touched by the Spirit’s censure and caution “nothing is unseen”. All previous delight in a buffet of dainties “I am a christian”, or “I am of God” or “To myself and many (or even a few, or some) others I am doing well” or “Of course I love the truth!” (As he now sees not one man does not swear to himself in what he once believed “hidden chambers”)…and has learned “love of the truth” is all that is foreign to man, all that is as far from man as true being is to what is false…and that it may only be…received. And that, not because he desired it, but because it is ordained given, in the gift that is Jesus Christ.

Some may rightly see a need of some further light. Some may say (and quite rightly) this is all received when receiving Jesus Christ! Yes. Surely. The seed has within all the experience to full grown-ness necessary. Indeed He does. The outworking is true and sure. Just as the Philistines brought the Ark into their tent only to find Dagon’s idol falling over, then broken…we begin to understand why John wrote “Little children, keep yourself from idols”. For you will grieve to the extent you have attached yourself to them when they are crushed in your sight. You are being set, have been set to the tearing down of all within to which you previously attached yourself, and found comfort. Only Christ stands.

And Christ is. Without reliance upon reasoning to be. Indeed, all man’s reasoning is upended, shown corrupted…of less than in-utility here. The reasoning that says “If man was so bad/evil as to need such saving…why then save what is so unutterably lost and corrupt?” No man does this, no reasonable man could, or would attach himself to a thing so strenuously opposed with all its might against him”. There is no reason (as man could arrive at) for taking into himself all that is so against himself as to make him into what he is not“.

“He who knew no sin became sin for us…”

This is statement of truth, without supply of reason for it to man. God saves. This incorruptibly true thing is not bolstered by any man’s reception, nor diminished by a multitude of rejection. Nor is it increased by explanation. It is all beyond man’s touching to increase, or man’s ability to tear down. What is…is. What has been accomplished by Father in Son, we learn, and that for us…is as much apart from our doing except it be that we acknowledge “our part” is in the being of so corrupt as to its necessity. That is all we have in contribution. Wrongness, perversity, lostness, despite, enmity…opposition. If we would, or will, or must (for even grace is found here to “allow for man”) be compelled to add our doing…this is all and only what we “have” to offer. When, and as, this is settled in us…to a repentance…the frank acknowledgement that even desire to be more, or other than that abysmally lost thing, is not enough to its undoing, grace comes by revelation. It is not that grace is not there, as it has been from the creation of the world…indeed is all around suffusing all of creation…but that we have been so inured to its being, so blind to the very plainnest of “things”…that the cure of such blindness is made so appallingly radical to us…God’s slaughter of His only begotten Son.

Here we lose all trust in any plea “But Father, I don’t want to be wrong…lost…a sinner”, despite its seeming sound of such rightness! It is all “But I do not want!” is the basis of plea. Does God despise? God forbid. But what is the answer? Is it “I am so glad you do not want to be wrong”? Or is it “See my Christ”? (After all, what man ever utters from his heart a desire to be found “wrong”?) Oh, what Christ steals of our falseness…that truth be seen! What entrance into all the secret places of darkness…that light be shed. Not one place…un-entered, not one, untouched. What must be to bring us out of all the hidden places of where we abide alone (believing none see)…that we not abide alone…in isolation of darkness and lostness…where once we even sought succor…is complete. Where we have eaten the bread of such lostness in solitude with ourselves, those places where we have found excuse, not favor of forgiveness…where we tell ourselves…even in the presence of whatever we may find against ourselves “I yet! have good reason…to be who I am and the way I am”.

Do we think God does not see the insults we have treasured, slights, or abuses against us (real or imagined…makes no difference) whereby we now justify ourselves in that deepest place…treasuring them as idols to save us? Our reasoning tells us “because of that, or this, or some other thing I have found against me…even with my “faults” they are reasonably excused…because of their being” It matters not if we tell ourselves we are good…or even faulty (with excuse) in that secret place…no, it is of no matter at all. We are always able of ourselves to settle our own ledger, there. The principle matter ultimately is that we are “alone” in it. And despite the seeming comforts, the apparent great appeal of it, the “seems” of it…in all attraction, this place where we hide to justify our selves with all our own reasons…(Do you really doubt such as Hitler had his?)…God sees. And has sent (as we come to see) His Christ to abide there…not that the man “be better”, not that the man may mistakenly even think…”I am now a better man”…but that man begin an understanding of the truth of all evil he would otherwise accept by rejection of God’s knowing of him. The lie that he can abide in an unseen place, and by that lie choosing for himself…that hell of isolation.

“It is not good for the man to be alone”.

Oh, brothers and sisters. Let us not take such undeniable favor, and by our reasonings overturn such goodness shown us! Let us not reason “But now I have God’s Christ, then, now I am good!” Christ…even with all of God’s goodness within refused to himself such esteeming. It is the very goodness of God that seeing what is “not good” for man…He supplies. Oh, may we see what may seem subtle to us (for there is one yet working in subtlety to keep things hidden). The supply is the goodness of God, the Christ is the goodness of God, Jesus himself…is the goodness of God toward us…to even (might I say?) deliver us from seeking to satisfy ourselves that we are “good.” That we are esteemed worthy of fellowship is our ultimate bequethal by God! And some may come to this place, see this place (and all the misery that has flown from man’s seeking to show himself “good”) where that the pain of choosing, of choice, of trying to reason to the best “choice” (and all of its attendant grievous burden to ensure the “right choice” is made and manifest) is crushed in what becomes no choice at all…to have within sight so plainly made by grace that is grace indeed…the reduction to two things…the desire to appear right or good (first to oneself and then to others) or to abide in fellowship, not alone, with the One who has come to abide with all who know they are not right. (The physician comes not for the “well”.)

Don’t underestimate the pull of the first, nor underestimate the exceeding value of the other.

And God forbid I be clever here, but God has a way of pressing us to one, to complete abandonment of the other. It is of no value whatever what we think of ourselves, how we esteem ourselves, what we would “like” to appear as, may even have some hope of appearance as…all is consumed in the revelation of the “rightness” of Jesus Christ…given to us, and for us…to abide with, and in.

Listen to what Paul says in regards to the matter of rightness and/or wrongness…”I know nothing against myself (perceive no guilt)…but this does not make me innocent”

My feelings about myself (may I be so bold…even if they be guilt!) no more make me guilty than feelings/perceptions of myself as having nothing against myself…makes me innocent! I am totally unable to fix myself (in both repair and fixing as to position) in my appraisal of myself…in anything! How much the more must this extend? How far “out” dare I, can I, (must I?)…if unable to judge myself to any surety find myself then, in total reliance upon another for that “intelligence”? (“What does the message mean? Well, our intelligence tells us that the message means “they” are suing for peace…” “Well who’s the man in the field from which this intelligence comes…can he be trusted?” It’s Jesus…). Sound a bit silly? God knows.

Peace. Peace with God. Through Jesus Christ. Not “peace with God because one wants it badly enough” Does God despise such wanting? God forbid! But not “peace with God” because one understands all mysteries, not peace with God because of station, gift, or calling (as to office)…or (may I again be so bold?) because of great consuming interest or activity of apparent devoutness? Even much speaking (or, in my case, writing) about Jesus Christ? Ha ha ha! (I laugh only...at myself!) Does God forbid such? Again…ha ha ha…this is a gift, a favor shown, an allowance…a provision to pleasure, not an endeavor to secure what has already been made sure…only in Jesus Christ. May I learn, may you…as we go about? Of course! Are matters uncovered, discovered…made perhaps clearer? Of course…but never by our endeavor…for all is of grace! We are gifted “to do”, doing in Christ whatever we may find in doing…and all favor is toward us, being done us…now matter our previous persuasions otherwise. The wise preacher, perhaps even once convinced he must “tell others” and so goes in such doing…may find to whom he is really preaching and by receipt…be blessed. We are gifted…to the sharing of the gospel.
(How many turn this to burden? A weight?)

So Paul wrote to those who believed they “only” had instruction to and for others…would write:

Thou that sayest a man should not commit adultery, dost thou commit adultery? thou that abhorrest idols, dost thou commit sacrilege?

Oh! I am not qualified to anything…nothing at all…but to delight in Jesus Christ! To delight in all being done me, and you, through Him alone! This is all and only what I am called to: the joy of God found in Jesus Christ! Have I been mistaken? Oh, most assuredly so! Did I, have I, do I yet sometimes succumb to a form of thinking “those others really need salvation! So I must tell them of it!” Ha ha ha ha ha…again! Or…”those others obviously have much to learn of Jesus Christ…and I am the man needed for this!” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…I get tricked… maneuvered even…and so wonderfully so by such presumption of station….that I may learn of whom really needs instruction in Jesus Christ! And of such abundance of grace…working despite such presumption (it may even come with great pain at the time!) Who can do this…take all of man’s unrighteous presumption…and turn it to joy? Who I ask…and again…who? Who can take such wrongheadedness and use it to His end?

One might learn…it is in the preaching of the gospel…that we (as gift to us) begin to even learn the gospel. We are not sent because we are the wise and knowing! God forbid…we are sent that the gift is assured to us and learn of its great and marvelous power (His great and marvelous power) against all contradiction against us! Who is so superior to sin…as to make it…this things so very opposed to Himself…merely a means…and not the end?!

God forbid I sound as though I recommend sin, and God knows how easily this comes when considering His overwhelming grace. “Shall we sin that grace may abound?” God forbid! Grace is abounding ineluctably so…regardless of sin! It is “not needed”…but…even sin serves God’s ultimate purpose…to show Jesus Christ’s ineffable triumph over it! In short…nothing is needed to “make grace abound”…just as nothing…can hinder it. It is all found in One…Jesus the Christ! And whatever God in His wisdom has ordained to this revelation to any man he chooses…is His alone. Much resistance…so be it! Much depravity to seeming irrevocable despair? So be it! An abounding of such a thing…that grace might be shown to much more abound? So…be it! Such world weariness to the point of self destruction? So be it! All is made grist to the milling of man to the reception of Jesus Christ as God deems. The “good” man made so grievously burdened with continuing to “trying to be good”…the grievous sinner finally tripped by his cleverness.
The most craven despot to the most benevolent appearing ministrant. Grace is abounding! Grace is…abounding! Our question, if and when such question may come (as we endure many trials of our faith) may turn from “why is it not there?” to the better (if I am allowed an opinion of “better”) “why am I not seeing it?” for the referral will always be to the only place it may be found if not being seen in any present situation by the believer…”look to Jesus Christ”. He has not been dethroned. He has not succumbed. He has not changed…nor will be again

I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.

Behold! What a glorious instruction! What a glorious command! “Look”…and see! Nothing is ever meant of God to our discouragement in Christ, and of being in such grace as to always be ready to remind us…if, and when we believe we are seeing only discouragement…receive instruction to look where none is ever found. Redirect. And we may come to love, and admit our necessity of redirection…when we come to admit how little we have esteemed it, overlooked it, resisted it.

We are blessed to believe, called to believe, given the faith that is in Christ to believe…as unutterably glorious gift. We do not “come up with faith” of ourselves as gift to God for approval in exchange. “OK, I’ll believe…now where’s my ice cream?” Is God not pleased with faith? Am I seeking to make a “something less of it”? God forbid. But where must one look to see how very pleased God is with faith? As with grace, there is a One given us to look to.

Can we all rejoice in God’s tireless redirection of us? His weary-lessness in a thing Jesus was delighted to share with us to our knowing…even when we may wonder to our estate when faced with the power of God…that is indeed both toward a coveting, and also to fearful terror simultaneously? There’s only one place a man escapes being fried by what he longs for.


“This is the work of God, that you believe upon Him whom He has sent”.

Thanks be to God He ain’t tired of showing off, and showing us…Jesus Christ. Without that…that power of ineffable tirelessness, that unyielding blazing glory of righteousness beyond all description would speak only to our demise. But grace abounds that we hear…something else. “C’mere children…and be with me.”


May I say…that to myself…it seems all of unreasonable that God would want to spend a second, let alone an eternity with me. My reason simply cannot get to that…how that I can come up with any “because” I could hold God to to make it so. I might just as well set out to find the reason…of love. Or for love. I am glad it is so. I am beginning to appreciate what I see of the why of it…but only such as given by God that I am only beginning to accept. Grace makes no sense to a mind I was once accustomed to, indeed all that is found there is argument against it. I have had, it seemed, little trouble believing how evil man can be, or so it seems, easily seeing it “out there”. Till I found how gross an evilness resided where I did not want to find it. Then I knew beyond reason “I must be saved” because I was experiencing something well beyond reason…so much so that in that experience…reason was not only failing to be found…but absent in the altogether. A thinking thing (to itself) reasonable thing (to itself) may be plunged into such a thing of experience that absolutely nothing is known or seen…but terror. To say “overwhelming” actually diminishes it, for it then ascribes varying degrees of a thing that is essential in its reality…


It would be both presumptuous of me to assume I experienced the all of anything there, but I can testify it is a place where in that moment…nothing else was for the experiencing. Not even, if you may understand…”thought about it”. I could not find, no, there was no place for its examination…it was not being “beheld”…but the all…erasing any seeing of it that could construe a distance from. It would also be presumptuous for me to have any assumption that this is an appointment for any other, or should be, or must be.

Likewise I cannot but concede to any man who might argue God has not appointed any terror to us. I only have in experience, what I have in experience. But I also only have in conviction what I have in conviction believing that I too, have the spirit of God. If I am shown otherwise…how could I resist…for there is only One able to show. I make nothing of myself by the experience. But I do say this, if only of myself, there is a being saved from a what that God would not have us to know, but truth tells us is real. If I were only being allowed to skate the most remote edge of it that I might be sobered…I do not know. But I know there is a place a man cannot even know himself. Or know of himself, anything. A place of absolute…no recourse. No knowledge of being heard…or seen…or “having” being…yet being in that.

Yes, how great a salvation has been given in Jesus Christ!
































He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?

This is a marvelous thing to consider, is it not? And to consider again. And perhaps cease not to consider until it is so firmly axiomatic in our soul; that our God, is giver. The God who gave His own Son, the only God who does so, is far exceeding in a generosity we barely apprehend. But apprehend it we must. Truth is not given for our vexation, but to our clarity in all things.

It must be settled in us; God is source and giver of all to man. Anything of apprehension/comprehension never begins in us, or we find, ends in us. We don’t “get it” because we have figured anything…out. Our own calculus is useless before God, and we may find…even less than so…to an opposition. The gift of God is not based at all upon intellect or cleverness, and clever men will find this out in the pain of heavenly therapy. The God who is of all purpose has purposed man to be filled with His fullness, and this is our testimony of Jesus Christ. He is that man.

As with so many things we may be learning, this too must be worked out in us past the place of seeming paradox. But, as I have said, and to hew as close to an honesty I am allowed to understand, it might only be I (of myself) who has ever found seeming paradox. So, I can only relate what I have found to go on “inside me”. If you are at all able to understand, or see anything of yourself in it, this will not be in vain.

We spoke briefly before of Mary and Martha. How rich is that exchange! Who knows how many sermons and expositions it has endured? And probably most rightly so. As surely as lost keys, or misplaced keys, demand a searching out to finding, no less do we find keys here to help us unlock doors. But really…why?

Why are doors unlocked to understanding made to be of such importance to us? Unless we are made able to admit we are the deepest of mysteries to ourselves perhaps we make little or no progress here. It is not of accident that you inhabit the house to which you have been assigned, while I reside in mine. Outwardly they may appear quite different, and even to an extent inwardly, habits and practices may arise to some distinction. Nevertheless we all inhabit “homes of man”. There is a commonness (not to be confused with a derogatory use of the word common) to all of us. And, to this point in time, whether we like it or not, it is not in our power to tinker with the nature of man.

Why is that said, and particularly “to this point in time”? Because as of yet, we might not be happy about it. We may not yet like it to know we are not our own to do with as we please. Things within our power does not equate to all being in our power. If we forget Adam’s lessons we are surely on our way to an ignoring of Christ’s work. And that is far more than merely losing navigation that we might end up on rocks, or in danger; it is the blind ignorance of not knowing we are already amidst a minefield of destruction. Christ came into a place very unsafe to the soul, to deliver out of it. And it is not putting to fine a point to it to say He came to where the soul finds only condemnation, to be there, in that place, what appears miraculously to its salvation.

We may indeed like to think that to ourselves there is power of improvement. And probably none of us (surely if believers) cares to consider a desire toward a worsening. But can we see this merely as the two sides of a same coin into whose exchange man was duped? Not until we are brought to see by the work of Christ into this matter of nature. Till then we are all of convinced we can make ourselves “better” and even think that this desire alone is presentable to God’s approval.  We would do well to keep in mind, that place where we perceive things, and are formed to; that this soul we are must remain informed of the spirit. This alone is the way of conformation to Christ, by beholding He who is the truth in all things, in spirit.

We know that flesh and blood cannot, of itself, force its eye open to the Lord. How many “saw” Jesus’ fleshly form (and still do!), but were to it in reception and perception as hard rock is to gentle rain. Likewise the soul, even in its voracity to know, has no power to pry its eye of apprehension open. And so Jesus says to Simon Peter “blessed are you Simon, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in Heaven”

This knowing didn’t come by route of physical eye into mind (and no amount of “seen” miracles will accomplish this either!) nor was it of effort of soul to “make itself see”. (And it is worth noting that it is there, in the soul itself that battles and resistances to seeing are greatest manifest and fought) No, the soul if left to itself, truly bears this testimony rendered through Isaiah: “He had no beauty that we should desire Him… and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.”

“Wait! Wait!” Might you say? “What about His disciples?” Yes…what about us? What about us after having made good confession in several places “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the Living God” and likewise, “To whom shall we go? You alone have the words of eternal life,  And we believe and are sure that you are that Christ, the Son of the living God.” And these…even being commended and regarded as blessed by Jesus Christ in the seeing given by God alone, what do we yet find?

“And Jesus said unto them, All you shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep shall be scattered…But Peter said to him, Although all shall be offended, yet will not I. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto you, That this day, even in this night, before the cock crows twice, you shall deny me three times. But he spoke the more vehemently, If I should die with you, I will not deny you by any means. Likewise also said they all.”

Likewise also said they all. Many sermons have been preached about what is called “Peter’s denial” as probably any other topic. Our dear and blessed brother…so singled out for high-lighting, so (I am convinced) willingly and joyously now made from Heaven an example to whatever end that men might see the grace of his Messiah! He bears no  umbrage, no bristling in the slightest. To whatever end in usage he might be, as tool, as example, as mere story character (even to prideful wretch), to some benefit to his brothers yet in the earth…Peter delights that Christ be seen. It matters not at all (to him) if he be singled out, be spoken of in such a way that he seem singular in denial. It is hallmark of the disciple, and perhaps apostle in particular, to not shun the lowest seat, even clamor for its occupation. This to not only rightly esteem (as we are instructed), others better than oneself, but that grace be manifestly shown to the glory of Jesus Christ, reaching a depth that man, if left to his own reckoning would doubt its (His) effective grasp.

And this, of course, only comes in a clearing of sight from spirit to soul…of who Jesus Christ is, and has been made to us. The One taking the very lowest of seats to uphold his beloved brothers…and bring…rightly…all of honor, to His God. And we shall see He never let go of either in the holding to both (being Man born of God), but in Himself and in that hold, has brought reconciliation…even in and through Himself. Jesus alone…is that man.

So, to what end are denials mentioned? To what end could it be found salubrious to  remind one another of such frailty of the flesh and the deluded soul? That unknowing soul that boasts of what it would do, of what it imagines of itself in stature to a fulfillment…only to discover it is not at all what it either boasted, nor imagined? All must be seen in the light of the grace of God given through Jesus Christ. These things were not preserved in scripture to, or for, the shaming of anyone; nor are they now presented by this writer to that purpose, either. This writer is no less learning, as he trusts is every disciple, that Christ’s word alone is (as He says), both spirit and life, and no less in that nature…completely unbreakable. Is this not our testimony? Not of ourselves, not of who we are, or even hope to be (though we are surely not forbidden to speak of these things) but always, first and foremost (for all else means nothing apart from that) of who Jesus Christ is. He is the truth to us, in all matters.

And this is likewise where the liberty and joy in that liberty may begin to enter into us, even in that place where we once held conviction to a sorrow, alone. This is where the Valley of Achor is made a door of hope. Where Adam begins to hear, and only by a hearing…is changed. At the first no man wants to hear he is lost to himself. He has no power at all over his own nature, it is untouchable to him. He cannot, as he so adamantly (O! so adamantly!)  refuses to be told, do one thing to make himself better. These are very fundamental things the believer may begin to apprehend and speak, even at his first steps into this salvation…”man must be changed…and cannot, except by the word and work of Christ!” Yet to himself he may not know he has reserved the right to a thing he must learn is for the relinquishing. And soul will put up as much a struggle here, and in such fierceness as only God Himself is able to preserve from harm in this struggle; as a beast would harm itself snapping and biting blindly to its own devouring if held by less gracious hands. The soul does not know…better.

It is not so much that the soul “does not know better” than to do this. No, that is not the sense, at all. It is precisely that the soul believes it can know, does know, and assuredly acts out from its axiomatic error, that it does indeed know what “better” is. No man can ever persuade, convince, demonstrate to another by neither effort nor argument (and no man can assuredly accomplish this to himself) that this is so. Only God…is able. Only God (and as we believe, and confess…if indeed we do) through Jesus Christ is set for the saving of this thing, the soul of man.

This thing, as one may discover in this salvation, is so very loved of God to its preservation, that even at the very depths of resistance to God, and against His Christ in such mindless and blind thrashing against Him, it could even…lose itself, and would surely…but for the interventions of Jesus Christ. May the Lord help this writer here, and now, that these things not be an issue of a minister of shame. May I be nothing more than a sign, a mere signal set only for a going past. Set only to be exceeded. And having no finality of itself.

I once imagined in such vanity I knew…what the sufferings of Christ were. I imagined I knew “the better”. I could approve “the better”, and did. This I believed was my salvation. “I” approved…of what God has done through Jesus Christ. I said so. I sought (in my understanding of better, and the vanity of now “knowing better”) to act in be in accord with what I thought I knew. But the soul retained its “knowing better”…even if it were able to confess a once resistance to Jesus Christ as condemned sinner, it assured itself still, without interruption, it “knew better” now. The soul, specifically, my soul (and I know I cannot speak for any other) held to its assumed right of participation, and acknowledgement of “the better”. Though this remained (and only God knows yet how much remains) of grossest presumption, God did not abandon me. Christ remained hope to me…even when…in deepest truth of myself, and known to myself, of myself, I was all at odds with Him.

It is not that I believed I was at odds, no, again, that is not it at all. This is the all I did not know! My “deep” truth was to me, I belonged to Christ, I was of Christ, I was among the “saved” and of the followers of Christ…but never knowing, nor having in myself the slightest of hint, that all was hinging solely (to me) upon my soul’s approval of Him. But God knows. God sees. And God does indeed save, through Jesus Christ. And were it not for the preservation manifest there, and continuing, to a thing that once believed in arrogance and such presumption its knowing of the sufferings of Christ to salvation as though presented to “my” soul for judging to an approval of merit and efficacy, as though my soul were to judge Jesus Christ to his effectiveness…I was made aware of just how lost…lost can be. At least as I could bear its then revelation. And from there, in there, and in that experience begin to know, not the “betterness” of salvation…but the absolute necessity of it. And made specifically known…to me, as one in necessity…of it.

Christ had, and has, come into all our “lostness”. Not as bystander, not as observer, not as advice or instruction giver, but as life itself (Himself) to the dead. And I must confess, had I not had the word of Christ in whatever form it had to me , and in me (even in all my grossest of presumptions!) I see…even by that word, there is a lostness I would have unknowingly pursued to all my soul’s destruction. But Christ is whom He says, intervene-or  and intercessor to salvation. We may not yet know (as I am not convinced I know yet to any fullness) the necessity of His being such.

He is intervene-or to us, by speaking and being the Word of God to us. He is intercessor for us, by His supplications before God for us. We are saved by His being that all to us, and for us. God forbid we seek to divide His Christ! (In any sense whatsoever)

If we may find ourselves humble enough to safely engage with our brother Peter, not using him, but seeing our likeness in him to a persuasion of safety (that is salvation), neither for his exaltation in our sight, nor any abasement…may we?

Jesus’ word to Peter, and no less to His other disciples, the telling of what must happen, what would surely happen was an offense. And so much so, that they opposed it. They opposed it in protests, in declarations of what “they would do” in spite of Jesus telling; they corrected…the Lord. Also we might note…Jesus speech had nothing of judgment to it, he did not tell them they would act cowardly and flee, he did not add any derision of their actions; but he did pronounce the Word of God to them “I shall smite the shepherd and the sheep will be scattered”.

This is God’s work, despite all other seeming appearance. It is not the work of the Pharisees to do away with Jesus, nor the hand of Rome wielding its awful power. Men opposing men and empires might have some ground of rebuttal and even resistance, but what can oppose what God ordains? Jesus knew/knows this, lives and walks in this…and is not made to budge by argument, complaint, or even flattery. (Peter once told the Lord, in so many words, he was “too good” for an end Jesus described) So, men boasting of what they can and will do in resistance of what is ordained of God…do not in the least deter Jesus. Nor can all the lies of the evil one. And Jesus, we find, suffers rebuttal, endures contradiction without ire or wrath…but also not without further intervention. He tells Peter specifically of roosters and crowing, and not merely abandonment and desertion…but denial. (Could there be anything of note here? How crowing like a rooster is only rightly revealed to the soul when manifestly answered by such? To a truth?)  What crows like rooster will find its part in shame when it finally hears how it truly sounds? But this could seem to skirt an attempt to embarrass my brother, as though he has in some way exceeded my own…denials. My own…crowing. God forbid I lie.

But this we also know. Jesus’ informing Peter of Satan’s desire for him, to sift him like wheat. It is in all such a perfect example and image of a man being deprived of his center, of his soul. The man’s knowing loss of the knowing of himself, fragmented into all of pieces. All broken up in complete and utter separations of part and piece. I believe that to some extent Peter indeed tasted that terror. That loss of identity in being because it is made abundantly clear beyond doubt “I am not at all what I thought myself to be”. But also comes in this terror the deepest of sorrowful conviction that this is right…this is just, this is all that is due…even though in all the abyss of that terror that feels hideously more wrong than anything ever previously known, imagined, or experienced…there is no longer found any footing to lie…which by lie…might seek comfort of relief. The truth may indeed be…this is far more than I can bear! But it is not “this is something I do not deserve”.

Here, nothing avails in the least…”I don’t deserve this”…”I have been such and such” “I tried hard to do right”. But these considerations may only come later to a man…if he survives this…(is allowed to, is given to) but he knows they were not there, not there at all, to even be considered, much less…uttered when in it. No, there, in that place of such clarity, and utter…rightness (though it be terrifying) silence in that terror as to what a man might present for relief…is deafeningly…absent. For he is made there, to himself absent…of himself. All made to perfect sensation of all in truth, but without center of processing. Lost to himself…but not without knowing of it. Soul of reason…exists no more to be centered in us. Sensing all, but without any sense made of it. Cut off. There is a place where the worm dieth not. Where teeth gnash and grievous weeping, far beyond imagination, is a cry knowingly unheard, but taking place.

Peter wept. But it was not his tears, not his wailing that made him heard. The One intervening to his sight of himself, who told him despite rebuttal what he is, what he will do, and specifically how this would be made manifest to him, was/is, also his intercessor. This is/was his salvation and is no less, to the least degree, ours. Someone prayed for us. That Someone is yet praying for us. Jesus telling Peter of this is no less, was no less, for his comfort and knowing and security, than for ours. And ultimately we might see a thing in regards to this matter of placement and experience. “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked/requested/demanded to sift you as wheat…but…I have prayed for you…”

Jesus never denies Satan’s right of demand. But Jesus also submits his right of appeal for Peter. He tells Peter He has done so, that his faith would not fail and so that when he is converted, he will turn and strengthen the brethren. Might this not also have been no less accomplished apart from Jesus telling him? Did Peter “have to come through” the experience, and, would he not have come through no less, even if he did not, or was not told by Jesus…that he had been prayed for? I am not seeking to engender speculations…as it may easily sound. But…with what would Peter return to his brothers to strengthen them? Would he tell them of “his faith” that did not fail? Even though this was precisely Jesus’ prayer? Subject and object (as a dear brother once instructed me) is never so critical as when handling truth. It makes all the difference. Especially to the soul of man.

Was it Peter’s having…or who had, and kept Peter? And the One having Peter manifestly displayed his triumph over the one (Satan) whom I believe Peter at those moments knew of a surety had every right to him…but was exceeded by Another in right. Would Peter have any place of boast? Except in the Lord Jesus Christ? Do we? What would we say of ourselves…and our faith? What is strength to the brethren? Would we say of our faith… “it is so great it is keeping me”? Or would we testify only to the Author and Finisher thereof? Our souls already give answer where spoken words are neither needed nor can be summoned…for they are already there.


There is a winning away from what one has, or may accumulate, to whom Jesus Christ is. All our former commerce is based upon a quid pro quo agreement with the world, one another…and we discover (even as believers) with God. This is not a painless process, this winning away, nor has it been for many disciples, a quick one. I include myself there, and must, if honesty means anything. This trading in which we engage, have engaged, once seemed as inescapable as the reality of breathing. We were born to it, and in it. We surveyed our souls, made calculations of risk and benefit, what was available as payment in trade; and swallowed bartering, the way of the world…hook, line, and sinker. It is the way ingrained, the way…we have known all too well.

Jesus Christ alone, is all of God’s gift to the world. We say this, repeat this, and to whatever extent we endeavor, seek to walk in the truth of this. We may all agree (as we call ourselves “christians”) that this is such a fundamental matter that even amongst the most hardened of atheists is known this verse “For God so loved the world He gave…” And, there is no fault whatever to be found in the publicity or publicizing of this verse. But surely the knowing of this, not merely in word, or by words, that is its apprehension in understanding is to be most clear to what has called itself believer, disciple, christian.

God is giver. Man is receiver. And, even to resistance, God remains giver. This is the order of things. God is responsible party to all of creation. It is His, and His alone. It’s origins and sustaining are in Him alone, and all things found in it are made response-able to Him. This is no play on words. Nothing originates in the creation but that God has both willed and allows. Man’s lack of understanding, as a creature in the creation, is also not without purpose. And likewise, any understanding of order in the creation itself, and by the creature is likewise always and only a given thing, by God, for purpose and to a purpose. 

It is a step taken from seeing “God has a purpose…” to “God is the One of all purpose”. All in Him is of purpose and there is nothing beyond nor above Him. He is the origin of purpose, and never subject to it. This is where man may have uncovered to him (by God) the roots of presumption. Faulty inferences, or concluding a matter ends in our own conclusions to anything is always being handled, and that rightly, by God alone through Jesus Christ.

May I repeat that? Faulty inferences? How easily we are made subject to them, these conclusions  made of our own reason.  How much of salvation is found in: “Come, let us reason together” we do not know until we learn how much reasoning we have kept to ourselves, accomplished by ourselves, in ourselves…to a confusion.  Do we not yet know this? Unless I am so unlike you, and unlike every other man as to be totally useless for relationship (and God forbid, not a disciple at all) this thing should not be so strange and foreign to us as to make no sense whatsoever. Have you not, (as I surely have) seen God move, received a revelation, had a dream or insight and, either immediately or through process thought “I know what I must do about this” or “what this means” or in whatever sense taken off like a runner with baton? This is not to say God has not given us a “something”. But we may find our presumption of “why”…or “what for” is also something God would speak to us about.

The disciples learned (as I trust all disciples are learning) to gather to Jesus after His preaching and ask, in so many words “what were you talking about?”…”what do you mean…when you say…?” To assume we know what the Lord may mean in so many things and act upon our own understanding is a wonderful way to learn (though perhaps with some pain) to linger with Jesus. We begin to understand the way of the branch in its relation to vine and how very much of our own “now I have it!” must be pruned. We are goers! We are doers! (Or in my own peculiar place…even now) tellers!

Listen, if you will. Do you remember the man Jesus delivered/healed? The one who besought Jesus to stay with Him…and be a close follower? It’s in Luke, Chapter 8.

Now the man out of whom the devils were departed besought him that he might be with him: but Jesus sent him away, saying, Return to thine own house, and shew how great things God hath done unto thee. And he went his way, and published throughout the whole city how great things Jesus had done unto him.

Can we see it? Do we see it? It’s almost sad in a way, isn’t it? A man made whole by Jesus Christ desiring now to “stay” with Jesus…can we not almost hear his plea? “Lord! I am so grateful for what you have done for me…I would like to stay in your company…as part of your company, may I?” (And I, no less, must heed “beware of false inferences” here) But I do ask…is it hard to understand that man’s desire? Yet…what is done? “Jesus sent him away”. It’s almost odd…except for it being the truth. An odd truth (to us) perhaps, but the truth nonetheless. We may find many things that seem would argue against it. The chiefest being in opposition to what we know, or believe we do, that sound completely countermanded by a succinct “but Jesus sent him away”.

We could go on and on about what would seem to be opposing  “But Jesus, this fellow now has such a wonderful testimony to your grace and power he’d be a welcome addition to our “little troop”! And Jesus …look…look at his plea! Asking to “stay with you”! Who wouldn’t want to? Didn’t you tell that rich young ruler to sell all…and follow you? Why is he given such invitation (a man who walked away sad because he found he couldn’t!)…and this man…who wants to stay…is refused!” Huh? What’s going on?

Yes. We could indeed…wonder. It reminds me of a testimony I heard from a brother who, after many years of following just oozed a sweetness and gentleness of spirit that I could not help but be taken by his words. He had some recognition among the brethren and because of such was in a place of display, having attained to some note, meaning others sought him out for what he had learned. In an exchange with one questioning him as to his experiences and what he has learned this brother said (as I recall now):

“Oh yes! There was a time when I wanted to be an apostle/prophet/evangelist/teacher! I wanted to “be it all”. I wanted to hear from God’s Spirit the great mysteries and deep things of wonder. (If I add to his words forgive me, for you may also have seen this exchange) But now, mostly I hear things like “bend down and remove the hair that is collecting around the shower drain, so that your wife doesn’t have to”.

If that testimony is odd to you…or me…if it seems a painful exposition contrary to what we believe is most beneficial for the advance of God’s purpose and Kingdom, we may reconsider. Just as we may consider the man who was sent away. And what it may mean to truly “stay with Jesus”.

The man, sent away (it still sounds almost harsh!)…did…as he was told. The scriptures bear out, he did precisely…as he was told. To a full sufficiency. He accepted Jesus’ instruction to himself…even what seemed counter to his desire to stay. We hear nothing more of him. The scriptures remain full of the many we do hear about, the apostles and several others. Their exploits and endeavors, some seeming failures and many triumphs. But this man? Might we assume him…merely footnote? Maybe a man fit for some exposition in sermon…or here…in writing? Might we even assume…Jesus forgot about him? (God forbid!) Just a man useful in telling Jesus’s story…but beyond that…of little or no consequence…even to Jesus? (God forbid!) We are not even given his name.

What are we learning in this thing declared to us as “having the mind of Christ”? Can it be…faulty inferences cause us to not see? Can we somehow be duped of ourselves into what we think is great, and greatness (by much clamor accepted) and discover our compass yet remains…completely askew? Again the question: “what does it mean to stay with (abide in) Jesus Christ?”

How wrong might we be to think “this man was sent away, he was not allowed to stay with Jesus.” But what is the truth of it? This man did as he was told! Jesus had given him the very thing he sought…the way to stay with Him. I do not doubt this for a moment…do you? He obeyed Jesus. Even in what appears contrary to his own, and quite reasonable desire. This…is abiding in Christ.

Our brother Paul says something very interesting to the Corinthians in his second letter, Chapter 5:

Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more.

I have no new insight into the meaning of this than what is plainly stated. Yet, if it is not made plain to us…it may be. But this is more what we might consider. Is it not a little bit piquing that Paul wrote this? It might have seemed to make more sense if such truth were ministered through Peter…or John, no? After all, they had indeed been among those who “walked” with Jesus, watched Him eat, sweat, breathe…sleep. Die. Paul had no such material testimony. But, he says what he says…

Paul, who never had Jesus’ dusty hand touch him, never saw the creases form besides the eyes in laughter (do we doubt Jesus…laughs?), nor as John, heard the steady lub dub of heart as head was laid to His breast. So, of what is Paul speaking? Almost speaking as though he also once shared the dusty road in treading behind the form that led them. And surely…no Corinthian had such memories.

Might Paul be speaking to a predisposition in all? Seeing it…even in himself? This thing of knowing in one way, or by one way that is ubiquitous to man that can only be rightly disposed of by true sight? The simplicity of saying it does not deny that, in its necessity of being said, we might not assume it is of no necessity we hear it…perhaps even, again and again? In what might we yet persist in some form of “knowing Jesus after the flesh”? Obviously Paul was enlightened to a seeing in two ways, even in himself, and commended one as beneficial, and another perhaps, of no benefit. We remember his prayer in and for the Ephesians (only?):

“The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,”

Might even the necessity of this prayer…touch us? Or…do we, like some he also spoke to, imagine “we already got it all”…we are “already made full”?

For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it? Now ye are full, now ye are rich, ye have reigned as kings without us: and I would to God ye did reign, that we also might reign with you. 

This, as Paul wrote…was not in commendation. It was a reproof. God knows Paul had not set about to steal their crown! There remained for them (as it does for us) the receiving of so much more that he more feared their coming up short than he had interest in their rebuke. Nevertheless, he did not withdraw from it. Like his Master who is unashamed of correcting His own (as Paul surely was/is) I have little doubt Paul had learned (in himself) the benefit to the soul of this ministry of correction. And having experienced and learned its benefit to himself, he too, was unashamed and not reluctant in its ministration through him. The spiritual man has but one approval (do we doubt Paul’s stature?). And that is Jesus Christ.

Paul surveyed much farther than those in Corinth could yet see. This was not by Paul’s choosing, but by Christ’s choosing of him. He was chosen to see farther. But Paul had learned, and was learning this seeing was not to be “kept to himself” it was for the benefit of the body. We might see his struggles to “break down” such revelation into edible parts that might be received as nourishing bread. We might further appreciate that this breaking down was not something merely done by Paul…but being done in Paul by purpose, that we understand his confessions of himself to the Philippians.

Those many things Paul enumerates as once things of benefit to himself by which he might promote his own stature…now meant nothing…and less than nothing. The dung he speaks of. Not one was of any benefit in knowing Jesus Christ. It is not as if Paul denied their being, for they are there and mentioned. But Paul had learned that their enticement of, and to, resort as benefit were not only useless…but I am persuaded, now seen as hindrances. Jesus Christ had made Himself known to Paul, as he has to us; and I have little doubt (as I do not doubt we do) Paul was not exempt from the consideration of “why me?”

Should we consider this? I am open to rebuke if all I do here is engender speculation. And I am likewise as open to rebuke if in my presumption I have concluded that it has not been me alone who has ever wondered “why me?” “Why do I see the Lord?” regardless of what may follow that wondering, as in: “and yet so many others deny”, or even “in such a different way as I perceive of others claiming sight”. And if (it is as it appears) “I am” different, what is “it” about me that is?  And it might be that precisely here, in this sort of consideration of “self” it could be of paramount necessity that we remember we do all in the presence of God, not forgetting. There may be no greater danger to the soul should we forget that, yet likewise no greater benefit (to us) if submission in light is acknowledged. To be sober here…should we consider ourselves…is indeed, necessity. And few things awaken a man inclined to sleeping, or even in a drunken stupor…like light shined directly into eyes. It’s a way of looking to see if there’s any “life in there”…by response. Or what sort…sleepy? Drunken? Or…ready to focus.

In the matter of “why”…why you? Why me? Why Paul? (Though we may have little to no right to bring him into the discussion in speculation…after all…he has finished his race.) But…you and I…we could at least explore our own calling, and are free to, with this caveat regarding Paul…(to avoid speculation)…saying no more than he, of himself, writes.

We find Paul’s basic exposition here, in Acts 26:


Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Thou art permitted to speak for thyself. Then Paul stretched forth the hand, and answered for himself:

I think myself happy, king Agrippa, because I shall answer for myself this day before thee touching all the things whereof I am accused of the Jews: Especially because I know thee to be expert in all customs and questions which are among the Jews: wherefore I beseech thee to hear me patiently.

My manner of life from my youth, which was at the first among mine own nation at Jerusalem, know all the Jews; Which knew me from the beginning, if they would testify, that after the most straitest sect of our religion I lived a Pharisee. And now I stand and am judged for the hope of the promise made of God unto our fathers: Unto which promise our twelve tribes, instantly serving God day and night, hope to come. For which hope’s sake, king Agrippa, I am accused of the Jews. Why should it be thought a thing incredible with you, that God should raise the dead?

I verily thought with myself, that I ought to do many things contrary to the name of Jesus of Nazareth. Which thing I also did in Jerusalem: and many of the saints did I shut up in prison, having received authority from the chief priests; and when they were put to death, I gave my voice against them. And I punished them oft in every synagogue, and compelled them to blaspheme; and being exceedingly mad against them, I persecuted them even unto strange cities.

Whereupon as I went to Damascus with authority and commission from the chief priests, At midday, O king, I saw in the way a light from heaven, above the brightness of the sun, shining round about me and them which journeyed with me. And when we were all fallen to the earth, I heard a voice speaking unto me, and saying in the Hebrew tongue, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks. And I said, Who art thou, Lord? And he said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest. But rise, and stand upon thy feet: for I have appeared unto thee for this purpose, to make thee a minister and a witness both of these things which thou hast seen, and of those things in the which I will appear unto thee; Delivering thee from the people, and from the Gentiles, unto whom now I send thee, To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me.

Whereupon, O king Agrippa, I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision: But shewed first unto them of Damascus, and at Jerusalem, and throughout all the coasts of Judaea, and then to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, and do works meet for repentance. For these causes the Jews caught me in the temple, and went about to kill me. Having therefore obtained help of God, I continue unto this day, witnessing both to small and great, saying none other things than those which the prophets and Moses did say should come: That Christ should suffer, and that he should be the first that should rise from the dead, and should shew light unto the people, and to the Gentiles.


The day of Paul’s presumption of what it meant to be a devout Jew, a wholehearted believer in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, was exposed in the day of his redemption. Or, as he testified in another place “when it pleased God to reveal His Son in me…” And, it was right up until that moment of revealing, as we see above mentioned, Paul took all his stand upon those things identified in himself as indicative of all those thing it meant to be the “best” Jew. Strict Pharisee, separating himself to a service to these by which he believed that God was served. Even and especially, to the persecution of the Church, which he learned was particularly against the Christ, and that the Christ of the God he thought he was serving. (These things he also mentions in Philippians with further enumerations.)

Do we imagine that when light came to our brother he thought “Oh, I suppose I have gotten a few things slightly amiss…oops” Do we? Or do we see the total unraveling? The whole of Paul’s understanding turned upside down in himself? One absolutely, to one particular point , convinced of service to God, that is now revealed as complete opposition to that very God?

Were we to (I am persuaded) quite wrongly say “At least Paul had some knowledge of the true God’s existence in, or by these things” do we think Paul would agree? (And no, we do not forget Paul’s words as to the advantage of being a Jew, but such advantage is only seen in light of God’s having given, and entrusted to them, and surely not as something innate to themselves)

This God as giver always does have for us deeper implications than what we may yet know. It must, as necessary, be addressed and settled again and again. Our adversary is not called subtle without good reason. The quid pro quo way of the world we may readily admit, and even declare it is never ceasing in presentation. But the presence of its tendrils though, to be discovered and not remain unexposed, must be revealed to us, and then through us. We are not in a bargaining relationship. An exchange has been made for us in which we have had no part…except as beneficiaries. If we must declare a part in it, ours will only be the swinging of the mallet to drive the spikes. The truth of that must, and surely, undercut any boast of our accomplishment in salvation.

We can do nothing for the Christ of God, but receive Him to ourselves as the salvation He declares. This may surely seem baby talk to us, or even many of us. “Of course we know this!” could be the first response. But, do we? (If I am seeking to take any stature to myself as anyone’s teacher and imply a shame of unknowing, God knows!) But…do we? Do we believe…what we so often repeat? If we need to hear it again to ourselves, so be it. God is not ashamed to minister to us according to our need. In truth He is all and only of One who has no intention, desire, will, nor advantage seeking to shame us with our need. His desire is to meet it, and with such a sufficiency as to leave no room for doubt.

We dare not forget this exchange, and may its gravity have full course in us. It is not recorded without reason.

Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. They answered him, We be Abraham’s seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?

Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin. And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: but the Son abideth ever. If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. I know that ye are Abraham’s seed; but ye seek to kill me, because my word hath no place in you. I speak that which I have seen with my Father: and ye do that which ye have seen with your father.

They answered and said unto him, Abraham is our father. Jesus saith unto them, If ye were Abraham’s children, ye would do the works of Abraham. But now ye seek to kill me, a man that hath told you the truth, which I have heard of God: this did not Abraham. Ye do the deeds of your father. Then said they to him, We be not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God.

Jesus said unto them, If God were your Father, ye would love me: for I proceeded forth and came from God; neither came I of myself, but he sent me. Why do ye not understand my speech? even  because ye cannot hear my word. Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not. Which of you convinceth me of sin? And if I say the truth, why do ye not believe me? He that is of God heareth God’s words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.

Then answered the Jews, and said unto him, Say we not well that thou art a Samaritan, and hast a devil? Jesus answered, I have not a devil; but I honour my Father, and ye do dishonour me. And I seek not mine own glory: there is one that seeketh and judgeth. Verily, verily, I say unto you, If a man keep my saying, he shall never see death. Then said the Jews unto him, Now we know that thou hast a devil. Abraham is dead, and the prophets; and thou sayest, If a man keep my saying, he shall never taste of death. Art thou greater than our father Abraham, which is dead? and the prophets are dead: whom makest thou thyself? Jesus answered, If I honour myself, my honour is nothing: it is my Father that honoureth me; of whom ye say, that he is your God: Yet ye have not known him; but I know him: and if I should say, I know him not, I shall be a liar like unto you: but I know him, and keep his saying. Your father Abraham rejoiced to see my day: and he saw it, and was glad. Then said the Jews unto him, Thou art not yet fifty years old, and hast thou seen Abraham? Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I am. Then took they up stones to cast at him: but Jesus hid himself, and went out of the temple, going through the midst of them, and so passed by.

That’s…heavy. That’s grave. And of such gravity we dare not ignore. “Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him…”  Need more be said? From some form of hearing, to lifting stones to cast. Are we unwise to ask of the Lord…”where might I be, Lord…in all of this?” Are you as much an offense to me upon all the things I might take a stand? Do you see a harsh resistance of which I must be made aware? What word of yours is unseen to me…as offense? Unseen to us…is surely not unseen to the Lord. So, what can we do? What are we able to do…against His knowing?

If we are not persuaded of salvation the above would rightly fill us with dread. But neither would such dread be unfitting. It is good for a man, in whatever sense, whatever smallest sense he may perceive it, to know…he is known. Even if all it does in him is produce a dire dread…for such as might lead to its relief, and that through the grace of God the revelation of Jesus Christ be given. A man can learn that dire dread…is even a gift from God as needed. Even apparent total despair…can be a great help.

Nevertheless, there is a fear of the Lord that is all to health…in our salvation. Rightly we are instructed to not be among those who “draw back” (for there is a working to keep at arms length) from a relationship that cannot be settled but by heart to heart. We might all readily admit, a great part, a wondrous part, a quite miraculous part of our salvation is not only that our Lord loves us…but in so doing…also knows us, completely. This is not said that any need be ashamed, for we are made new creatures…but likewise we are not ignorant (nor should be) of the pit from which we have been dug.

I have no doubt my wife loves me…and to some extent, even knows me…but were all thoughts and deeds of mine made plain to her, frame by frame…I would have little expectation but that the grief of this knowing me in all, and all at once, would not, could not, lead to any fullness of joy on my part. Or, her own. Yet…God’s knowing of us…does not diminish one iota His joy in the beholding of His Son. Do I doubt my wife’s sufficiency to forgive? Not at all. But…dare I try it? Put it to the test? Wouldn’t that be…unkind? Not that I must seek to hide…but in preference submit to the eye from which I cannot (hide) and there find hope that, even with my wife, I might become that which has nothing to hide that might be of hurt to her?

I don’t think this wonder can ever be overestimated, that we are both fully known, and loved. To begin to see, in even the smallest part, that God’s love in calling us sons (inclusive of daughters) is far more merciful. Such a One we have never known. There is nothing hidden from Him, even when to ourselves we are in part hidden from ourselves. God’s ministry of such knowledge to us never comes apart from a likewise ministry of mercy. The knowledge of such grace is, has been, and will always be our salvation.

To be simple (and speaking for myself only) had God allowed me to “see myself” fully at the outset of this journey, and only that (especially in the grossest of presumptions that I, of all, surely knew myself best…which surely is what such presumption rightly deserved) that abyss of grief to me seems inescapable. I thought I knew what pride was, and how much or little moved me. Likewise clever craftiness. No less deceitfulness. Sure, I might have admitted to some, seen some desire to self exaltation by whatever means…but to have it all summarily revealed apart from the grace and mercy found in Jesus Christ…I barely can appreciate how crushing, and fully crushing, that weight of knowing would have been.

But, as this has not been God’s way with me I come to appreciate something else. A firm conviction of not the “niceness” of salvation, not even so much the goodness of salvation (as a man might understand and lend his approval to a “goodness”)…but the utter and compellingly firm truth of the necessity of salvation. Yes, it’s a far cry from previous understanding. That going from “man must be saved” to the deepest conviction of “I must be saved” and that even right now! considerably narrows one’s field of view and frame of reference to those things that pertain to salvation. It can only be found in one place…One person. And so an idea, a concept, even a very savory concept “of salvation” is moved from being a thing…to a person. In short a man is rightfully deprived, and being rightfully deprived of those previous things upon which he may have taken a stand.

It seems harsh, this winnowing. This removal of things. And were it not for the ministry of grace, truly all that is unbearable. Even the experience of it with, and in grace, is terrible. ( Do we not hear: “If the righteous be scarcely saved, where will the sinner and Godless appear”) And I do not say terrible as such might deem bad…or evil. Awe full is not inappropriate. And neither is awful, as in “God remains awfully thorough in His work.” We begin to understand this:

“This is the work of God that you believe on Him whom He has sent”

God is carefully removing all but the faith found in the Son of God. And might we admit we had a some believing of things other? Vestiges of “our own goodness”? Some vain hope in our practices? Even trust in our experience and assumptions about them? As in “God did such and such for me, therefore I must be in His good graces and favor”? Those touchstones we may seek for assurance, and though, which are not to be forgotten…must never become for us idols, as Nehushtan? We simply can never look to anything, or anyone, but God, through Christ…for assurance. Our vision is getting narrowed. And narrowed to the only One who receives the fullness of God’s glory and approval, Jesus the Messiah. This is why we are compelled to consideration…again and again of the singularity of the resurrection. All approving is shown there, demonstrated there to us if we believe. And here doubt must make way. For it is God’s intent to fully demonstrate His approval of Jesus Christ. That we “believe on Him whom He has sent”. There is…no other. He alone…is the necessary One.

Paul grew very bold in his conviction. So much so that he was unafraid to touch this in complete confrontation:

“And if Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and your faith is also vain.”

Paul was not speaking here from a speculative position. Far from it. He knew it all came down to this (so to speak) and was not speaking maybes. This is it! Either Jesus Christ is shown alive by the resurrection, or the rest…all of it means nothing without this setting of God’s approval to Him in all things. Many “in the world” will lend approval to many of Christ’s words. Some may even, in speculation remaining of the hows of it, grant he had some power over the material substances of this world to the doing of seeming miraculous things. “Yes” they say, “I agree Jesus Christ had some very nice teachings that, if followed, would make the world a much better place”. As though themselves had it within themselves to approve of Christ (with the retaining of the strange corollary unuttered)…”I can also dismiss at my will what I find less than savory on His words…”

But the resurrection becomes the dividing place. It is a hard stop. Impossible in the absolute for man to comprehend. It can never be figured out…only shown. This is not insignificant, for nothing in all of a fallen creation can ever testify of anything beyond death. To come to know this as God’s ordaining in its complete severity assigned is also the doorway into the very truth of the resurrection. It must come from beyond the fallen. There is no other way of it. Nor can be. It must come from beyond the creation, yet into it. And this alone, this gift given into all of what is fallen is to the making of all things new for those who have been given to believe. And that is Jesus Christ who is Himself as He declares: “the resurrection and the life”.

This gift can never be overestimated, only underestimated. And if any of such remains, even in us, God is not ignorant. Again, it may sound harsh, and no doubt feels exceedingly harsh as we are moved in experience from any of what remains of oldness. We are now in the place of all possibility and God is not given ever to allow for lie in Himself nor in His Son. And we may rightly even read there…”His sons”. All things are possible to and with God…and an indicator to move us to the truth of that is always in coming up against what we deem, of ourselves, impossible. Impossible situations and circumstance we must touch, that the God of all possibility be glorified in His Son.

Here then we discover a right fear and trembling before our God. Here we dare not boast of anything but our Lord. We may learn of all of our unwitting invitations made of challenge to God when our boasts were of something else. (And since I am always being persuaded to the reality of a person over mere things, it is fitting to understand that the thing in which we may have held vain boast is no less a person...ourself.) It is sobering to a man, any man when he discovers God answering a challenge made from himself toward God. At that moment it matters not how long such may have seemed unanswered, for in that moment (and it truly never requires more than one) man knows he has been seen, heard…and found out. Rightly we are persuaded against silence as approval:

These things hast thou done, and I kept silence; thou thoughtest that I was altogether such an one as thyself: but I will reprove thee, and set them in order before thine eyes.

It’s so easy for us to be carried away in our own imaginings. Both to whom we are, and also as to whom God is. There is a something working to abet us in all vain imagining. Something that will say “You are not in calamity, therefore being very much like God, His approval therefore rests upon you.” And the not clearly heard corollary always comes with it and for the disciple this must always be discerned lest we be unaware of what speaks:

“Therefore those whom appear to you as in calamity, are Godless”.

How very sobering it is to the disciple when comes the revelation of this lie. And the likewise revelation of those with whom he is found standing:

All they that see me laugh me to scorn: they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying, He trusted on the LORD that he would deliver him: let him deliver him, seeing he delighted in him.

Our own presumptions are indeed terrible to us in their revelation. And of such terrors we begin to understand what Paul meant:

“Knowing the terror of the Lord, we persuade men”.

Saul…once so sure of doing “God’s work” in slaughter and imprisoning came to understand the great value of grace and became its ceaseless champion. Saul…who in an instant came to understand “his deserving”…but was shown something else…something beyond death. Once so very strong to himself, so very right to himself as worthy of judging to the death those that resisted his practices and understanding of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He changed:

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.

And likewise:

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This in no way is ever contrary to:

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

It is just that the way of it is contrary to all testified to through a fallen creation awaiting the manifestation of the sons of God. This is an ordained matter…coming from the beyond of the creation, into it…to its order and redemption. It can neither be thwarted nor usurped as to its being under the command of God’s authority.

But it can be eagerly awaited and sought. Even to such are we commended. And that is a great gift to receive, the conviction that a day that seems like any other is not and never is.

That today, which to us may at times only appear as just another in a seemingly endless parade of them is actually the day of salvation.

Today is a gift fully fashioned to itself and like no other. The god of boring sameness has been vanquished, the god of all futility has been exposed, the god who would enforce and abet all our own presumption to the seeing of nothing but death as ultimate of all things…is shown naked and powerless.

Someone else now…holds all key. And now is where He is…even now.

We may come to appreciate this very real gift of God…this now, into which we are invited to live, even commanded so. Guilt, we learn, always forces us to live of the past, seeking presently to be bound to a “making of it right”. The present becomes no more to us than, not a place to live…but to work to an undoing of things past. In all ways…the present is a burden, then. Likewise fear, which draws us into the future of unknown judgments against us (do we see how this is no less bound in past guilt?) makes of the present no less a torment to us? The full resolution, so that we may live..now…is only found in Christ. Past sins cleansed (and to be as far in memory to us as to God Himself), and fear of judgments, no less, consumed in the sight of the resurrection of Jesus Christ…the proof to us His word is indeed true! We are not only forgiven! But greatly loved…and that right now! May we hear what Jesus says here:


And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you. Until now have you asked nothing in my name: ask, and you shall receive, that your joy may be full.
These things have I spoken unto you in proverbs: but the time cometh, when I shall no more speak unto you in proverbs, but I shall shew you plainly of the Father. At that day ye shall ask in my name: and I say not unto you, that I will pray the Father for you:

For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.

Can we let that sink in? And although I am persuaded Jesus never challenges us to believe, always speaking plainly and only in truth without dare, do we agree that sometimes we sense a challenging to believe? Yes, we experience a challenger who would speak to our mind, a dissuader who would present hoops to jump through, lifted ever higher that we might fall short in apprehension. His terror that we apprehend is real, facing as it were now an earth full of testimony that even his once place here…inhabiting the earth…is removed from him. Yes, he is a challenger to the Word of God.

As so I do not say “dare we believe this”? May it be settled so within us that not one word of the Christ of God falls to the ground, not one word is either speculation or spoken in “yes and no”. Are we persuaded Jesus never speaks one word in vain? To doubt any…will lead to a doubt of all, and indeed, must. And so Jesus speaks, not as one “pleading with the Father to love us”, as though hand wringing it might go either way. No, He states…you will know the Father loves…you! And moreover, not because I must convince Him to! No, because you have believed I have come from Him, you will see! (may we begin to understand…this is indeed the Father’s work, and has always been so, to have us believe in His Son!) And so it is the Father Himself, through Christ, making this appeal of faith that we are so greatly loved…of Him!

Think on this when some asked:

Then said they unto him, What shall we do, that we might work the works of God?

And Jesus response:

Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.

I am happy here for those who have never suffered under “daddy issues”. But I easily confess, I have. Jesus has had to drive this point home to me, again and again, (thankfully unremittingly) “your true Father is unlike any other father you have known!” Even the apostle knew the importance of this dividing of “once knowledge of fathers” to what is to be our present knowledge of Father:

Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.


This Father is not about merely indulging His own pleasure in any desire to lord it over us…but that we may grow to know Him in fullness…to our benefit…withholding nothing.

So it is we are again referred to the opening of this short letter:

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?


Our Father…the giver of all, withhold-er of nothing in Christ.

I am not unaware some will say “Jesus said…’in that day’…” Thus seeming to make it something yet to be…as far off from us as we cannot know. Do we see? Do we see the wisdom of the Christ in His speaking? He knows…that that knowing…that knowing of deliverance from (what I have described as “daddy issues”) will become so pressing to us, so plain to us…we must know “that day”! It must be made real, not only in word of hope, but experience! How can I, how may I (and may I?) bring that day to into the now, into the today? Ahhh, the beauty of it…how that God places desire to a fulfillment of desire (not teasing) before us. And it is all in believing His Christ!

Look, I don’t want to belabor the “daddy issues” matter, but for me the vision and understanding always remained behind a shroud of some fear. Though loving my earthly father, there was also a knowing of “at what point might he be set off by me…at what point might my being of ‘who I am’ (in faults and ignorance) might I find him provoked…against me?” Rightly I developed some fear of him. And this easily transferred to my Heavenly Father.

Now, it must seem all of strange in the way Jesus resolves this, and does, through His word. He tells me not to have some fear, but all of fear, even a perfection of fear (if I may use that term) a singularity of fear…toward Him who has authority to cast soul into hell. Yes, it all seems strange…to let no other fear (of man, of any) who might only be able to kill the body…(and there are many things we learn that might “kill the body” to which we attach fears…poverty, despair, ignorance and wrong choices, etc) but that if we deny their supremacy over us to the degree that we fear only One, a very strange thing happens. Deliverance…from fear! Ahhh, the wisdom of God! he knows how to narrow focus…narrow attentions…so that we might live! Singleness of eye. And such singleness as we find there salvation and deliverance.

So, it behooves me, becomes life to me, that I dare not not believe a single word of our Lord. Yes, he has done as He has said…”I will show you whom you should fear”! Through Christ I come face to face with this fear of facing “daddy”, forced to it most squarely, inescapably, even unremittingly…pressing me to seek resolution. His righteousness is indeed undeniable, immovable, perfect in all. Even to being in all…a “consuming fire”.
But what do I know? I know of One, not consumed…but shown perfect in that fire…that blazing light! He is my all and only hope, my all and only source of finding life in that very fire! Jesus the Christ of God. And so it is I too learn to “hang” to His every word. For only in Him, through Him, by Him, can any “dwell with everlasting burnings”. What is most absolute terror to all else…is now made home to the man in Christ.


The sinners in Zion are afraid; fearfulness hath surprised the hypocrites. Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings? He that walketh righteously, and speaketh uprightly; he that despiseth the gain of oppressions, that shaketh his hands from holding of bribes, that stoppeth his ears from hearing of blood, and shutteth his eyes from seeing evil; He shall dwell on high: his place of defence shall be the munitions of rocks: bread shall be given him; his waters shall be sure.

That is Jesus Christ, and no less, those found in Him.

The path I have been assigned, I thank God for, though I cannot deny I have at many times been tempted to a very vain thing…regret. Regret that would vainly tell me “if only I knew then what I know now…” never knowing until Christ made clear…the utter vanity of that. I do not deny my need of repentance…or its necessary exercise. Sins have abounded, errors, mistakes, prides in so many forms rearing an ugly head. But all is eclipsed in the knowing of Jesus Christ, the balm for such self woundings (and indeed grief of others) that have required apology. I cannot deny the pit from which I have been dug. And indeed, it is only Jesus Christ that makes it so easy to do so…I cannot deny being the chiefest of sinners. But all, (if I have begun to apprehend anything of Him) I now see as no less necessary to my forming that the vanity of thinking I could ever have known “then” (and not be who I was) is as wishing not only myself away…but no less…Jesus Christ in all His glorious patience. It is as if a man might say “had I only been more right, I would not need (and have needed) Jesus so very much”. What folly is that, huh?

I have needed Jesus Christ, and do need Jesus Christ. And just as, in presumption there was even a time I knew it not, I dare not imagine that even now…I now know the fullness of it. But what confession and testimony I have, I am now persuaded I am given to have…along with the spirit of faith by which I may find any allowance to speaking.

May the Lord keep me from presumptuous sins.

For those of you who have already apprehended anything I may say, or have said…or even find in the light of God through Christ it is all unneedful, and perhaps even in some measure contrary, I cannot help but need reproof. I am reminded that to speak or write has within the inescapable possible presumption…that I do indeed have something to say, and no less by speaking imply…someone may benefit from it. But, as said…that may all be just a vanity and presumption of my own, and I cannot but hope that if in all it is, such will be rightly rebuked of the Lord…under whose hand I am trusting for a better discipline. To life. And not shame.

In fear I know…God is well able to make a man…silent.

But there is a hope I perceive, of which I am not ashamed, made real to me by the son of God, Jesus Christ. And testified to by His resurrection out from the dead. I find it in His words of spirit and life. And no less find it in the most difficult words that have been for me…to believe. How that someone who so thoroughly knows me…loves…even me. And knows precisely what I need to hear to make this plain. And so I leave with this…to me precious beyond my own ability to believe, and so much so that I need all the encouragement found in Christ by His spirit can only give. (and our God is above all…giver).

It’s found here, spoken to his disciples, and as I trust to any and all who receive it…as disciples.

I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.


This is, in all, too marvelous to me. Who…but the Lord could both speak it…and cause the faith (given) to another to believe it? To not only be loved…but in same measure as the Father has for the Son of His great love? What can I do in seeing such…what might any? O!, I can so much more easily grasp how that the Father of all…loves Jesus Christ…so righteous, so pure and so faithful…even to the death of the cross! And had Jesus Himself not said it…there could be no way, absolutely no way at all, to find the way to such depths. But, He has. He does…say this. Glory to God! In the presence of the Witness of all He testifies. May none of us fall short in any measure, in any pursuit, in any seeking to know…how very true this is. And not “someday”…but even…now. And there, live.

The mouth of the Lord, has declared it!

Our God…is giver. May all that seeks to hinder be shown, even in our sight, its only rightful place as His footstool.

Jesus Christ is Lord.